The Quote

“The NFL is a television show about quarterbacks.”
– Steve Czaban

“If you want a guarantee, buy a toaster.”
– Clint Eastwood

Be true to yourself, help others, make each day your masterpiece, make friendship a fine art, drink deeply from good books – especially the Bible, build a shelter against a rainy day, give thanks for your blessings and pray for guidance every day.
– John Wooden

“A national political campaign is better than the best circus ever heard of, with a mass baptism and a couple of hangings thrown in.”
– H.L. Mencken

“It’s where I keep all my things. Get a lot of compliments on this. Plus, it’s not a man-purse. It’s called a satchel. Indiana Jones wears one.”
The Hangover (2009)

“Sons of Scotland! I am William Wallace….Yes, I’ve heard. Kills men by the hundreds. And if he were here, he’d consume the English with fireballs from his eyes, and bolts of lightning from his arse. (Laughter) I am William Wallace! And I see a whole army of my country men, here, in defiance of tyranny. You’ve come to fight as free men, and free men you are. What will you do with that freedom? Will you fight? …Aye, fight and you may die, run and you’ll live, at least a while. And dying in your beds many years from now, would you be willing to trade all the days from this day to that for one chance, just one chance to come back here and tell our enemies that they may take our lives, but they’ll never take our freedom! Alba gu bra! (Scotland forever!)”

Braveheart (Mel Gibson) to SCOTTISH ARMY

Where do you think you’re going? Nobody’s leaving. Nobody’s walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no. We’re all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. We’re gonna press on, and we’re gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fucking Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he’s gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse.

– Christmas Vacation (1989)

“I think you’re all f–ked in the head. We’re ten hours from the f–kin’ fun park and you wanna bail out. Well, I’ll tell ya something. This is no longer a vacation. It’s a quest. It’s a quest for fun. I’m gonna have fun and you’re gonna have fun. We’re all gonna have so much f–kin’ fun we’ll need plastic surgery to remove our god-damn smiles. You’ll be whistling ‘Zip-A-Dee Doo-Dah’ out of your assholes! Ha, ha, ha, ha! I gotta be crazy! I’m on a pilgrimage to see a moose. Praise Marty Moose! Oh, s–t!”

National Lampoon’s Vacation (1983)

“It’s where I keep all my things. Get a lot of compliments on this. Plus, it’s not a man-purse. It’s called a satchel. Indiana Jones wears one.”

– The Hangover (2009)

Ron Burgundy: Boy, that escalated quickly. I mean that really got out of hand fast!
Brian Fantana: It jumped up a notch.
Ron Burgundy: It did, didn’t it?
Brick Tamland: Yea, I stabbed a man in the heart.
Ron Burgundy: I saw that! Brick killed a guy. Did you throw a trident?
Brick Tamland: Yea, there were horses and a man on fire and I killed a guy with a trident.
Ron Burgundy: Brick, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that. You should find yourself a safe house or a relative close by because you’re probably wanted for murder.

– Anchorman (2004)

“Marriage is like an unfunny tense version of Everybody Loves Raymond, but it doesn’t last 22 minutes. It lasts forever.”
Knocked Up (2007)

“I had no idea you could milk a cat.”
– “Oh yeah, you can milk anything with nipples.”
“I have nipples, Greg. Could you milk me?”

Meet the Parents (2000)

“No one wants advice – only corroboration.”
John Steinbeck

“There is only one kind of love, but there are a thousand imitations.”

-Francois de La Rochefoucauld

Lester Burnham: “Remember those posters that said, ‘Today is the first day of the rest of your life’? Well, that’s true of every day but one…the day you die.”

– American Beauty (1999)