The Daily Czabe

Oooooommmmphhhh!

2008-09-05T16:26:21Z

Well, that sure sucked. What more do you want me to say? I was reminded by a ~~friend~~ Cowboys asshole I know Mike McGowan of an idiotic post I made on this blog about a month ago, as the Redskins were humming along in the pre-season. Mike wrote: Still, I recall a rather optimistic (gushing?) Redskin scouting report published by a local media personality. He said: "On paper, the Skins don't have much to worry about right now. I think strong safety is a hole right now. Everything else is covered.... I'm having a hard time actually a constructing a worst case scenario for this team. I can see 7-9 as a bad year. But I can also [see] 11 wins off in the distance." Yeah. I'm a dope. The operative word in that was "right now." Of course, in August "right now" NOBODY in the NFL has any "real problems." I should know better. Obviously, Jim Zorn needs "trainee" on his badge, because it's going to be an "earn as you learn" kind of season. The failure to use even ONE of your 3 first half timeouts in the red zone is inexcusable. Ironic then, that the old coach didn't know you couldn't call two timeouts back-to-back, while his replacement doesn't even think to call ONE timeout with three in his pocket! This was far worse, I think, than not having an effective no-huddle in the 4th quarter, and worse than not understanding that when you need a FG and a TD, it doesn't matter which one comes first so get the "easier" one FIRST. It all means Zorn has failed to grasp even BASIC NFL head coaching game/clock management tactics. The prospects for him winning a CLOSE game late, with less than 3 full timeouts is very dim, to say the least. More thoughts.... The Reed Doughty experiment needs to end. I just wonder how long it's going to take. He's a nice kid, who had a tragic medical emergency with his newborn child, and he really is an over-achiever. But for a undersized, slow, 6th round pick, he can't play that position at this level. FURTHERMORE, and I hate to be the insensitive ass about this, he's got a hearing problem that makes him ALMOST DEAF! (Why am I YELLING in ALL CAPS!?) Read this excerpt from the Washington Post: "It's not that I can't hear at all, I'm hearing impaired," Doughty said. "But this was the first year that I'd talk to my wife and I'd have to say, 'What was that, sweetie? What did you say?' It was time to do something." Doughty, who first had hearing loss diagnosed as a child, said he developed skills to help him communicate with coaches and teammates during his career as a three-time academic all-American at Northern Colorado, a division I-AA program. In addition to lip-reading, Doughty would memorize the hand signals used by the defensive line and linebackers as well as the secondary. When Doughty arrived at Redskins Park, he had to start all over again. "It kind of became a running joke for a little while," said safety Vernon Fox, who also joined the Redskins in 2006. "We knew that if you were not sitting right next to him, he wasn't going to hear exactly what you said to him. We all kind of knew, it became obvious, he had a hearing deficiency." Said secondary coach Jerry Gray, "We would call his name, and he'd never respond." REACT: This is NUTS, people! I mean, seriously. It's the N-F-L! You can't afford to be a half-step slow in this league and expect to survive. This kid is half-deaf!? Do you know how many verbal checks and signals are made during an NFL game on defense? You can't have a "system" for one guy who can't hear in place to "compensate" for that! Finally, a note about my own mental state as a Redskin fan. I had a calm sort of resolve about last night's fiasco that was oddly comfortable. While in previous years, I would scream and rant and rave, now I just look at it all and go "hmmph." It is as if I've crossed the Redskins river to the other side. I'm looking at the same rotting, sewage choked football organization that pumps out expensive bildge year after year, but at least now I am UPWIND from it all. I'm not less of a fan (or am I, if the losses don't sting nearly as much?) it's just I'm more philosophical. I suppose this is how many fans of downtrodden teams in the NFL feel. Or perhaps hostages who once thought about carving their captors with a dull buck knife if they had the chance, who eventually get around to asking everyday: "Soooo... how's your family?" I'd like to think that Dan Snyder is committed to Jim Zorn for more than one lousy year. But I'm getting too smart to fall for that notion anymore. Forget Obama and McCain screaming about "change coming to Washington" next year. Change is always happening in Washington with our football team. And that, my fellow Americans, is precisely the problem.

One Rabbit Even Rednecks Won't Hunt and Eat

2008-09-04T20:00:00Z

Careful! It's A Trap Game Sez Peter King!

2008-09-04T19:00:00Z

Hey Czabe, Long -time listener, first-time emailer. After hearing you mention your love of Peter King again this morning, I just had to stay tuned in to The Herd when he said he had Peter coming on next just to hear what this "Dolt" had to blunder about. And he did not disappoint by saying ..... "Seattle and Matt Hasselback may be in trouble as they open the year at Buffalo without their three top receivers. I think this could be a trap game for the Seahawks." LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Didn't know you could open the season with a TRAP GAME! -Kurt from St. Marys, PA (Go Stillers!)

But The Dance Still Looked Cool, Right?

2008-09-04T18:00:00Z

I'm calling this an election preview. I'll let you guys decide which guy is Obama, and which one McCain.

Dickipedia: Because Face It, Everyone's A Dick

2008-09-04T16:00:00Z

Brett Lorenzo Favre (born on October 10, 1969, in Gulfport, Mississippi, US) is an American football player who was the starting quarterback for the Green Bay Packers of the National Football League (NFL) from 1992 to 2007. He is also a crying 15-year-old girl, drug user, and a dick. Since Johnny Unitas, he is the only NFL player to have won the league MVP 3 times. He is also the only player to have pretend-retired from professional sports 37 times. While many people believe that crying does not belong in sports, Favre does not belong to this camp. He will readily cry at the end of every game. In this respect, Favre is like a 15-year-old girl who just got her braces off and ends every night sobbing over jewelry. Favre is also the only remaining NFL player who was also very good in Tecmo Super Bowl II.

I'mmmmmm Baaaackkk!

2008-09-04T10:00:00Z

From Dan Steinberg in the DC Sports Bog..... But help may be on the way. A new Baltimore sports talker will launch this coming Monday, Fox 1370 Sports Radio, with old friend Jerry Coleman on board as sports director. Coleman will host an afternoon drive show from 3-6, tentatively called "Sports With Coleman," but much of the other content will be syndicated, at least initially. And that means Steve Czaban and Scott Linn's "First Team on Fox" should be available locally, at least to many of D.C.'s suburban Marylanders. (The station has a 50,000-watt daytime signal, according to Coleman.) For the time being, this puts Baltimore ahead of D.C., 3-1, in the number of sports talkers, which doesn't speak particularly highly of D.C. fandom, although it's fair to speculate that both markets will be back to two sports talkers eventually. Czaban, of course, continues to co-host the Sports Reporters afternoons on the new ESPN 980, but anyone who wants to hear him on the air in the morning will now have to tune in to a rival station from a rival city featuring a rival national network, which all feels very odd. Will he be able to promote his morning show while on the air in the afternoon? Unclear. I just chatted with Czaban, and asked what it's like to have his local employer promoting his competition, the Mikes.

Bundchen, Klum, Nemcova

2008-09-04T05:05:00Z

Giselle Bundchen Heidi Klum Petra Nemcova

Saturdays With "Uncle Brent"

2008-09-03T20:00:00Z

I don't know about you, but I feel like everytime I watch a college football game with Brent Musburger, I am watching with my cool uncle. Uncle Brent. Brent can effortlessly call a game, with rich detail on players and team information. Spiking his calls with inflections of energy. All the while, he ALSO gives you a good running commentary on the college football landscape as a whole. Uncle Brent is wise. Uncle Brent is patient. Uncle Brent does not talk down to you as a fan. Uncle Brent revels in all the passion and paegentry of the college game. He's not some announcer who is "above it all." He's also a fan! Uncle Brent will have a beer in his car on the way home from the game, and his bookie on the cell phone. Uncle Brent knows every tradition, and makes it a point to explain them to kids who might just be sitting on his knee. Uncle Brent calls everybody pardner. And he makes you feel... like you are indeed... his pardner! Uncle Brent does everything Dick Vitale can't do. Brent will praise coaches who deserve it, but he won't put on the kneepads to service them like Dickie. Evidence of that, was when he sternly rapped Nick Saban on Saturday's game for "making a terrible mistake" for saying he wouldn't leave the Dolphins. To me, there's nothing like spending a cold Saturday night in the fall, with Uncle Brent and some glorious Hi-Def college football.

Parking Lot Suprise!

2008-09-03T18:00:00Z

Winter is coming. Look alert, people.

"High Chance of Blowhards"

2008-09-03T16:00:00Z

"It's not enough to report on a storm by showing TV viewers its impact. Dramatic as it is, the standard B-roll footage of pounding surf, wind-whipped palm trees and mangled power lines serves as a mere palate-cleanser. On storm stories, TV reporters are required to interact with the weather and become, potentially, human sacrifices to it. This makes weather reporting different than every other kind of breaking TV news story. No one covers a house fire by rushing into the burning building, or reports on a war by doing stand-ups in the middle of a tank battle."

I Never, Ever, Ever Get Tired of These Pranks

2008-09-03T14:00:00Z

As Clinton Portis once said: "Huntin's legal...." So is dropping your junk on your buddy's shoulder. Good times. Good times.

Face It, Pickles Suck!

2008-09-03T12:00:00Z

To comment on Czabens pickle phobia. I side with Czabe on this one all the way. I hate pickles. If that juice gets on your French fries or on the bun of your burger it ruins the whole effin meal. It's not so much the pickle as the contamination the juice makes. Even if it gets on one fry the whole lot of them is ruined because it's in the back of your mind that each fry you are eating could taste like pickle. I always specify no pickle with my meal. Always. Also side with Czabe on the Ocho Cinco story. That's awesome! Brett Schmitz - Milwaukee

Meadow Soprano

2008-09-03T05:00:00Z

Jamie Lynn Sigler. Oh... my.. .gawd!

There. You happy, people?

2008-09-02T20:00:00Z

There's Bush with his magic Presidential podium in the middle of a crisis center for Hurricane Gustav. I'm sure that's gonna make everything go so much smoother. A note on Hurricane Gustav and New Orleans. First, let's hope the fine citizens of that area hang in there during this storm and it's aftermath. That's first and foremost. But while we've got another Hurricane and clowns like Michael Moore are calling it "proof that there's a God in heaven" because it's happening on the eve of the Republican National Convention (nice sympathy for the victims, you douchebag!) let's review all the horrible reporting and outright myths that went with the original disaster. Let's remember that New Orleans is a city that has been in a Democrat controlled death grip for decades. The Mayor was a Democrat. The Governor was a Democrat. Most levee boards controlled by.... Waaaaiiitt for it!!!!.... DEMOCRATS! Hurricane hits Democrat Land. Most people who vote Democrat ignore the evacuation orders. Democrat media drops in, and goes crazy with outright lies and exaggerations. Of course, it's all Bush's fault. Never mind that parking lots full of school buses became swimming pools. Never mind that the City didn't allocate adequate security for their "shelter of last resort" the SuperDome. Never mind that FEMA is NOT a "first responder" in any natural disaster, and has never been. It's a big, lumbering federal bureaucracy that is basically only good for writing mammoth checks after a disaster. (And BOY did it write some checks! Including millions to people who pretty much scammed the system!) In short, the media coverage of Hurricane Katrina, and the shameless politicization of the event by agitators like Spike Lee, is one of the biggest clusterf***'s in modern history. Don't believe me. Fine. Read this piece by Popular Mechanics. Note: They ain't a political magazine, so it's not like they've got a dog in the rhetorical fight. I'll pull two of their biggest Myths from the event. MYTH: "The aftermath of Katrina will go down as one of the worst abandonments of Americans on American soil ever in U.S. history."--Aaron Broussard, president, Jefferson Parish, La., Meet the Press, NBC, Sept. 4, 2005 REALITY: Bumbling by top disaster-management officials fueled a perception of general inaction, one that was compounded by impassioned news anchors. In fact, the response to Hurricane Katrina was by far the largest--and fastest-rescue effort in U.S. history, with nearly 100,000 emergency personnel arriving on the scene within three days of the storm's landfall. By the end of the week, 50,000 National Guard troops in the Gulf Coast region had saved 17,000 people; 4000 Coast Guard personnel saved more than 33,000. MYTH: "They have people ... been in that frickin' Superdome for five days watching dead bodies, watching hooligans killing people, raping people."--New Orleans Mayor C. Ray Nagin, The Oprah Winfrey Show, Sept. 6, 2005 REALITY: Both public officials and the press passed along lurid tales of post-Katrina mayhem: shootouts in the Superdome, bodies stacked in a convention center freezer, snipers firing on rescue helicopters. And those accounts appear to have affected rescue efforts as first responders shifted resources from saving lives to protecting rescuers. In reality, although looting and other property crimes were widespread after the flooding on Monday, Aug. 29, almost none of the stories about violent crime turned out to be true. Col. Thomas Beron, the National Guard commander of Task Force Orleans, arrived at the Superdome on Aug. 29 and took command of 400 soldiers. He told PM that when the Dome's main power failed around 5 am, "it became a hot, humid, miserable place. There was some pushing, people were irritable. There was one attempted rape that the New Orleans police stopped." Of course, now that you can't bash Bush any more for the actual storm response, it is popular to complain that the government hasn't done "enough" to help rebuild New Orleans. Another giant crock of shizzle! The federal government has already allocated a substantial amount of money to Gulf Coast reconstruction. According to the Congressional Budget Office (CBO), as of July 2007 the federal government had appropriated $94.8 billion for Katrina recovery. Congress has allowed the National Flood Insurance Program to borrow another $17 billion from the government to cover the deficit it racked up paying out Katrina claims. The federal government has also created $16 billion in targeted tax breaks through Gulf Opportunity (GO) Zone credits and other programs. I suppose $94 billion - with a B! - isn't enough. Granted, much of that money still hasn't been spent, because of a tangle of bureaucratic rules and regulations. But that's Bush's fault too. I'm sure of it. Spike Lee said so. >>>>>>>>>>>>>>> To: Chad Johnson: "Genius! Brilliant!" I am certainly no fan of Chad Johnson. I think his mouth believes he's actually T.O. or Randy Moss, but his body of work says he's more like Anquan Boldin. That said, I can only say "Well played sir! Well played!" in regard to his decision to change his name officially to "Ocho Cinco." When the NFL goes to such absurd lengths to micro-manage every aspect of a player's uniform, then I love it when a player goes one step further. I'll see your pair of Kings, and show you my full house! Or, as Costanza once famously said: "You wanna get nuts? Let's get nuts!" RE: NFL Cuts What in the hell are the Bengals doing? Willie Anderson, Rudi Johnson? Yet they bring back Chris Henry against their coach's wishes, and have to wait on him for 4 weeks. I'm gonna need a detailed chart explaining it all. Oh, wait. Two words. Mike Brown. Got it. >>>>>>>>>>> The Redskins kept all of their draft picks from this year, which in theory, I'm okay with. Except for the simple fact that several of these guys don't appear like they can play! Fourth round pick Justin Tryon looks like an overmatched shrimp. And don't get me started on our twin-busts at WR. I don't understand why Malcolm Kelly hasn't been IR'd for the season. He's as useless as tits-on-a-bull for 2008, and Zorn pretty much said so. Devin Thomas seems a tad clueless as to how to run a route correctly. But hey, we kept the punter, which Derrick Frost blasted on his way out of town. Look dude, you are probably right. This was a case where you just couldn't have such a crap draft, AND cut the punter you took as well. But then again, Frosty, you were no Ray Guy. Sorry. Good luck elsewhere. PS: I don't understand why we only kept 5 WR's, especially when two of them can't contribute right now. And remember how everybody was goosed about Anthony Mix late last year. He's a big receiver! Yeah, we'll he's been cut. Go home everybody. >>>>>>>>>>> Here's a lively little read for you today. MAN ATTEMPTS TO AMPUTATE OWN ARM IN DENNY'S. Drug addict, butter knife, tazer. Fantastic! "Kids, kids! Just worry about finishing your Grand Slam breakfast. Ignore that man over there!"

Deer Chunk Stew!

2008-09-02T18:00:00Z

Fantastic! When you wanna hit a deer with your police cruiser, you should just go ahead and accelerate THROUGH the poor bastard, like a good linebacker making a tackle. I'm gonna suggest the "Premium" at the car wash after this.