Doug Sanders, Missed Two Footers, and Cheating

1. I love it when my peers in the sports media tell me a story about someone or something that I have never heard, and totally blows me away. Monday on my show, Peter Kessler (Golf Magazine, XM Radio, Perfect Club) told me about the unique circumstances regarding the 1970 British Open, where Doug Sanders missed a tiddling 2-footer to win. Nicklaus of course, went on to win a playoff, throwing his putter in the air, and nearly braining Sanders in the process. Said Kessler: Video shows Sanders putting down his ball on that 2-footer, and then leaning over to look at something in his line. When asked what this was, Nicklaus once told Kessler that Sanders had a habit of placing his ball about 6 inches in front of his mark, pressing it down, and drawing it back to his mark. It was a process that put a small, undetectable trough in the grain to help his putts roll true. And, I might add, blatantly cheating! So what had Sanders seen before missing that 2 footer? Nicklaus said it was Sanders noticing that he had MISALIGNED HIS CHEATERS TROUGH, but because the ball was already down, he didn’t risk the odd move of doing it over again before millions watching. Years later, Kessler claims, Sanders never denies this account of the event, even though he has never admitted it. Wow. Of all the golf books, all the golf magazines, all the golf stories, this was something else. Thanks Uncle Pete!

2. Saw where Barry Bonds “visited” his teammates recently in LA while taking a break from his “rehab.” Must have been a real emotional reunion. I bet Barry couldn’t name better than 65% of the guys on his team. Barry has hinted that this season is possibly a washout, but that he would “definitely” play in 2006. He’s currently 52 dingers behind Hank Aaron, and I’m still betting the he can’t mount enough of an injury free push in 06 to reach that mark. Then perhaps he can “mop up” another 10 or so in 2007, but man that seems a long way away for a 44 year old with chronic knee problems. I say he’s good enough to pass Ruth (11 to go) next season – thus fulfilling his “get whitey” promise – and then retires after a much interrupted 20-something HR season. He’ll say he’s doing it out of “respect” for Aaron. But oh yeah, F whitey, he’ll remind everyone.

3. For those that don’t recall, here’s what Bonds said about Ruth in July of 2003. “755 isn't a number that's always caught my eye -- the only number I'm concerned with is Babe Ruth's. As a left-handed hitter, I wiped him out. That's it. And in the baseball world, Babe Ruth's everything, right? I got his (single season) slugging percentage, I got him on on-base, I got him on walks and then I'll take his (lifetime) home run record and that's it. Don't talk about him no more.” More about the cheerfully colorblind Bonds at this website. I can’t wait for the day when some white NBA player talks about “wiping out” a black legend like Magic Johnson or somebody similar.

4. Sure, the ESPY’s are a ginourmous suck-fest of “Aren’t Pro Jocks The Best!?” from the shills in Bristol. Point made. However – HOWEVER! (Steven A.) – you gotta love the event for two reasons. 1) Hot sports chicks in spaghetti strap cocktail dresses. 2) Video montages that are highly archive worthy. Each year, their editors compose some outstanding pieces that can send shivers down your spine. Good stuff. The only knock, is that these highlight montages usually include totally out of place, worthless, get that shizzle off my montage sports like the WNBA, or X-Games crap.

5. Here’s a wonderful story about a man who died while bangin’ a horse. That’s right, don’t adjust your computer screen. I said a man who died while… okay, you got it the first time. Whoa! Even better, is the note in the story here about how beastiality is ONLY outlawed in 33 states. Gee, lemme guess which states allow getting snuggly with farm animals? Could one of them be, oh, Kentucky?

6. Good news for me on my Sagarin Rankings of Personal Phobias/Fears. The much hyped “West Nile Virus” which was all the news rage a few summers ago, seems to be having a bad year. (Maybe Steve Lavin was coaching the mosquitoes). In 2004, there were 10 deaths from the disease, while this year there has only been one. Thus, I am downgrading my “ranking” of this phobia, to 97, right behind “Identity Theft” and “Soccer Hooligans.”

7. Every now and then, I find hope for our civilization. To see that an astonishing $100 million in sales for “Harry Potter” went down over the weekend, says to me that perhaps literacy and education are not a lost cause. Then I turn on Fear Factor and watch some silicone-laden bimbos eating live scorpions for a chance – chance! – at $10,000, and I say, “nah, we ARE going on a rocket sled to hell.” Either that, or I look at the massive web hits for this rubbish site, and get the same depressed feeling. Not that I’m some intellectual myself, mind you. I’m downloadin’ porn just as fast as ya’ll are.

8. Oh wait a minute. This just in from California: Ebonics Recommended For County Schools. I read through the story, and there are so many mind-boggling quotes, that you keep looking at the web page closely to see if it was written by “The Onion.” The Rocket Sled to Hell just picked up nitris boosters. Good job, California. What’s next? Making math a “closest to the nearest 100” discipline?

9. The telegenic Joel Osteen has a new home for his Houston-based mega-church. It’s the former home of the Rockets! The Compaq center has been converted to be the new home of the Lakewood church, meaning 16,000 people can now yell Jesus Christ at the top of their lungs, just like they did when Scottie Pippen played there. The church is the first in the country to average more than 30,000 worshippers weekly. Yeah, but some of those sermons came on “Apostle Bobblehead Night” and can’t be counted as regular attendance.

10. Here’s a headline: “France Facing Locusts.” Now I’d like to see the real headline: “France Surrenders to Locusts: Just Eat Our Crops and We’ll Promise You International Aid and Unlimited Immigration Rights.”