Prime Time Golf Sunsets With A Whimper on ABC

1. “Night golf. Just putting at night, with the dean’s daughter” – Caddyshack. Or, putting, driving, and making easy cash – at night. If you are Tiger Woods. Last Monday was the LAST installment of MNG (Monday Night Golf) for a while, because Eldrick said he’s had enough. Probably a good idea. The format was tweaked 8 different ways, and it never got much traction. Sure, I loved it. But I’m a golf nerd, and what else was on the tube? I remember the quaint days when Duval played Tiger and there was some semi-serious talk about how “neat” it was to “finally” see #1 vs. #2 meet face to face. Please. Then they went for longball hitters, changed courses, went to foursomes, brought in old guys (Jack and Trevino), brought in chicks (Annika and Karrie Webb), hyped up Sergio, you name it. They tried it all. It’s done. Stick a fork in it. All we have left is the memorable moment where Nicklaus punked Melissa Stark with a ridiculously anal (and sexist) request to “get out of my line”.

2. Linda Cohn is looking fabulous. No lie, you need to peep her these days on the Duece on Cold Pizza. We’re talking nose job (maybe), gum reduction (maybe), better hairstyle (definitely), and major tooth whitening (fo sure!). She looks in excellent physical shape too. I know, she’s a mother of two. She’s still a squaking New Yawkah. Whatever. L Cohn, getting’ r dun!

3. FROM PETER KING’S MESS OF AN NFL COLUMN THIS WEEK: “I think I'm entering the world of blogdom this week. I'm going to blog my way through NFL camps on SI.com, with an entry (or two, hopefully) a day describing my travels around the pro football world. I'll even make my photography debut with my new digital camera. I'll try to take you with me through camps, training tables, sidelines ... and, most of all, airports and interstate highways. Never been to Mankato? You'll get there now. Should be interesting. Or tremendously boring. Not sure which.” REACT: Dude, you’ve been writing a blog for years now, you just didn’t know it. But yeah, please post lots of pics of your big pumpkin’ head with Starbucks baristas. Whoo hoo.

4. Not that it should surprise anybody, but the NY Times is back at it, fabricating stories, quotes, and news. This time, the result is (wait for it…. Wait…) a decidedly ANTI-Bush angle! Wow! HERE’S THE CORRECTION: "The Op-Ed page in some copies yesterday carried an incorrect version of an article about military recruitment. The writer, an Army reserve officer, did not say, 'Imagine my surprise the other day when I received orders to report to Fort Campbell, Ky., next Sunday,' nor did he characterize his recent call-up to active duty as the precursor to a 'surprise tour of Iraq.' That language was added by an editor and was to have been removed before the article was published. Because of a production error, it was not. The Times regrets the error." TRANSLATION: “Language was added” = completely made up. “Regrets the error” = mad we got caught again.

5. Nearly traded up my Acura TL to a Acura RL last night, and all I went to the dealer for was an oil change! After taking a time-killing test drive of the RL, oh, I want one. I just don’t want one $49,000 badly enough. Still, after driving one of there “A-Spec” versions, I was intrigued about getting that “kit” for my TL. Any TL owners that have the A-Spec out there, who have thoughts. I think it’ll address the only real complaint I have with my TL, and that is a slightly too soft, too “bouncy” ride. Firmer shocks and suspension plus the 18 inch rims and summer rubber seem like good tonic for that.

6. Quick reminder to get ready for the show “Hooking Up” on ABC Thursday night. I’m already counting the hours to see the next installment of incredibly self-absorbed nutbag women running around NY trying to a) get laid b) find “Mr. Right.” I can’t even begin to properly put this interpersonal horror show into words, one must see it and hear it themselves to get the full scope. And yeah, ladies, the guys on the show aren’t much better. It’s just that this makes ALL women, look really, really bad.

7. How bad are things going for my Nationals? So bad, they can’t even get the outfield fence dimensions correct. Two reporters for the Post went out with a tape measure to see if the “380” signs were correct. They weren’t. Try 394. Oops. Of course, some PR flak for the team came out and shut down the measurements. Then the team got their own professional surveyor. He confirmed it. Players had been bitching all season long, saying those 380 signs were WAY too short. Never go against a players eye when it comes to ballpark dimensions, or spotting fake hooters at a strip club.

8. So, I bet you expected the Nationals to get a guy out there with paint the next day to put “394” on the fences, right? Wrong. They just moved the 380 signs closer to the foul poles. DC government, at it’s finest. RFK is the same old stadium that has (literally) long extension cords draped down from one level of the concourse to the next, in order to supply power to some of the refreshment stands. The place has special, special memories for Redskin fans, but GOD is it a dump.

9. Fun fact. In 46 games at RFK prior to last week, the Nationals and their opponents combined to hit 46 homers, an average of exactly one per game, the lowest in baseball. The next lowest is Kansas City's Kauffman Stadium, which averages one-third more homers per game; the highest rate is Cincinnati's Great American Ball Park, which serves up 3.13 homers per game.

10. Is it me, or does Ricky Williams now look like a dead ringer for that toy with the metal shavings and magnet pen? You know, the bald face where you can arrange his hair and beard in all kinds of wacky combinations. If somebody can find a picture of that toy, I’ll put it next to ol’ 34 and and post it.