Well, He Did Say Last Year That He Was "Close"

1. Dominance, they name is Tiger. Normally, I don’t like rooting for “overdogs” in sports – you know, Tiger, The Lakers (pre-blow up), the Yankees (pre-aging), et al. – because it’s like rooting for the house in Vegas, or the IRS. But I do enjoy WATCHING dominance in sports, even if I’m not exactly pumping my fist while it’s going down. Tiger Woods is on another orbit from all those other chumps. Even though guys like Vijay were lurking (Mr. #2 in the world, and will be that way for some time) they don’t have what Tiger has under his hood. It’s just sick to watch. A good kind of sick. The tournament concluded on Sunday, but I know when it was “won.” On 16 and 17 on Saturday. Tiger botches a chip shot on 16, and has a dicey 2-putt from way down the valley coming back, just for bogey. Natch, he doesn’t three-whack. Meltdown avoided. Then on #17, he makes a SMART play out of the rough to avoid the Road Hole bunker, putts up, and stone cold jars the 15 foot par putt coming back. The insanely accurate 135 foot lag putt to 2 inches on 18 was just icing. Game, set, match. Awesome to watch, and so predictable at this layout, that it makes me seethingly mad at myself for not getting some sweet 5-2 action on Eldrick prior to kickoff. Now, you won’t find Tiger at much better than even money at Majors, just like he was back in 2000. Ten majors down, just 8 more to go for Jack. Oh yeah, Tiger turns 30 on December 30th. Wow.

2. Jack Nicklaus made a spectacular exit from competitive golf last Friday, didn’t he? Those who were there, said it was the experience of a lifetime. On TV, it didn’t suck either. Jack is so revered in Scotland, it is impossible for me or any other writer to OVER-state his appeal to the golfing public there. Oh sure, Jack is plenty loved/revered/admired over here, but not quite to the same degree. What Nicklaus did in his career, better than anybody, was to totally embrace greatness. He lived it, he thought it, he acted it. Pure greatness. At times, that public posture led to moments where you would roll your eyes at Nicklaus’ seeming self-absorption. But that’s what made him great. Like Tiger, like Jordan, or Gretzky, or Montana, he commanded the “big moment” whenever it came. Tiger may someday get Jack’s Major record (10 down, 8 to go) but Jack remains the “Greatest of All Time” – at least until we see the full 25-35 year scope of Eldrick’s career.

3. So Pat Riley is thinking about snaking his way back into the coaching seat with the Miami Heat? “Thanks Van Chumpy, now step aside.” Sheesh. Way to be a front runner, riles. If Riley does this, I’ll be one of many people rooting with every fiber in my body for Riley’s complete collapse and humiliation. This guy is proving to be every bit as greasy as his trademark hair. Remember how he’s left previous jobs. He faxed – FAXED! – in his resignation to the Knicks. He walked out on the Heat a week before the season tipped off and handed his mess to Van Gundy (who took the team to the playoffs anyway). Now he wants back in, huh? It’s bad enough Riley is coasting off his Laker success 20 years ago, but I don’t think we crush the guy enough for introducing thug and grab-ball via the Knicks for the better part of the 1990s.

4. Sure enough, ever since I wrote that stupid article about how my Nats were “for real” they have begun to tailspin, losing 7 of 9, with some horrible losses along the way. Pehaps the biggest groin kick was Friday night, with Mike Stanton issuing the “balk-off” mistake. We pick the guy up out of the Yankees trash dumpster, and this is how it starts. Wonderful. Of course, it’s all my fault. Rookie baseball fan mistake. Believe all you want, but just shut up about it, and for gods sake stop writing articles.

5. XM Radio continues to be worth every penny of the $100 or so investment in equipment and $12 a month. As you know, XM 146 is the PGA Tour channel, with live coverage during Thu-Sun of Tour events. Normally, the so-so Jim Kelly is hosting with Phil Taturangi. Yeah, the same funny-named Kiwi that once played on the Tour. Anyhow, this week, XM 146 picked up the British Open feed from the BBC. And it was HILARIOUS! First of all, I’m a sucker for British accents, so the hosts (I think they were named Colin, Nigel, and Ian, no lie) were fun to listen to. Secondly there were NO COMMERCIALS! Thanks to government funded BBC, and the fact XM’s Tour Channel has yet to sell their own spots, they just ran the feed. I drove in all the way to work at 5 a.m., and listened to live British Open talk for 45 minutes. Beautiful!

6. And of course, the best part of the BBC feed, was the great golf lines I picked up from the lads “across the pond.” On Vijay Singh’s bad putting Friday: “He’s putting like a millionaire, just giving everything away.” On a bad lie in the rough: “Looks like he’s in some knee high hay.” Partner: “Ah yes. Knee-high Hay, that great Asian golfer.” Silly Brits. Lovely chaps, though.

7. Looks like we’ve seen the last of the really cool, really violent video games. Hillary Rodhman has begun an investigation of Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas, because apparently someone found a way to insert/download a very graphic sex scene to the game. The developer, Rockstar Games, says they didn’t do anything, that it was unauthorized hackers. Don’t worry parents, Mrs. “It Takes a Villiage (and crushing government regulations)” is on the case. She’ll make it okay for Junior. Trust her. She means, soooo well.

8. But wait, it gets better. For parents already not happy about violent video games, check out this “Chainsaw Controller” that goes with Resident Evil 4. Wouldn’t you love to bring some guest to the house, and have Junior slashing around violently with this toy chainsaw, cutting open zombies on your big screen TV, with a maniacal look in his eyes. Good, clean, fun. Meanwhile, we grew up playing Frogger, Pac Man, Galaga, and Missile Command. Dismembering a corpse with a virtual chainsaw was always just a dream for us kids, just a dream.

9. CALGARY - Calgary police are on the hunt for suspects after a relaxing morning on the links turned into a full-out brawl when teed-off golfers turned on each other. The incident happened on the weekend when four golfers were playing at the McCall Lake course on the ninth hole. Two members of the group shot ahead onto the 10th hole, near the group playing ahead of them. "The other group took some exception to that and waited for them at the 10th hole tee box," police said. Three of the trailing foursome went to get some refreshments and a lone golfer continued on to the 10th hole, where the other group was waiting. "A verbal argument ensued and two of the four in the offending group started striking the victim repeatedly," the officer said. "The victim didn't even have a chance to fight back." One twisted the man's arm, dislocating his shoulder, and gave him a bloody nose and a cut to the lip, which required 10 stitches.
The incident took place less than a month after the golf course's safety and etiquette week. REACT: Yep, about time Canadians got their NHL back, they were really starting to go stark raving mad without it up there.

10. Here’s a dilemma. “Man Has Sex With Dog.” React: “Geezus, what a sick F! Lock him up and throw away the key!” More info: “Man Has Sex With Guide Dog.” React: “Oh, he’s blind? Well, maybe, perhaps, he just thought it was an ugly date?” Full story: “Man Has Sex With Own Guide Dog.” React: “Well, if the dog wanted it, then maybe he’s just saying ‘thanks’ for all the help.” Of course, I’m not making any of this up, and of course, the story is brought to you by the fine state of Florida.