Hockey Talk's Achilles Heel On Radio

I love the Stanely Cup playoffs, and especially the Finals.

But there’s no way to effectively “talk” hockey on sports radio, unless your specific team is in the series at hand, and you have a large enough pool of people who know the team intimately and watch each game thoroughly.

I know this makes hockey fans very angry. I get the emails, every spring.

Look. I watched almost all of Game 1 of the Ducks and Sens. It was FAB-U-LOUS. But there’s no way I could have thrown open the phones the next day on my national show, and had a good conversation about the game and series, without boring the life out of the 95% of the sporting public that are not devoted puck-heads.

Why doesn’t hockey “work” – in general – as a sports radio topic?

There are a host of reasons. To start…

1. Too Many Europeans
I mean, it’s great that the Russian and Eastern Bloc talent is in the league. But there’s only so many Sergei Bitchicockoff’s and Slava Jackmeoff’s you can keep track of if you are a casual fan. Plus, it’s not like you watched these guys at Florida State and Michigan either.

2. Subtle Levels of Skill
To appreciate some of the incredible moves being executed by NHL players, you simply MUST have played hockey at some level. Street hockey, deck hockey, pond hockey, ice hockey, intramural hockey. Something.

3. The Need to Watch Entire Games
In today’s sports culture, people can usually watch a few highlights, check the box score and formulate an opinion that will fly on sports radio. To know hockey, you have to really DIG into a game. You have to evaluate if a checking line is doing their job. You have to watch to see if there’s good movement on the power play. You have to see whether your goalie is shaky in net, or if he’s making a lot of great momentum changing saves. How many dumb penalties did your team take? When were they taken? Are you playing crisply between the blue lines, or is there too much dump and chase.

4. Lack of Stats
Another killer factor. The average moron sports radio caller (and host, for that matter) needs STATS to make points. Period. And hockey provides precious few that really matter. Goalie saves. Okay. How many were actually hard? Plus/Minus? Vague and often misleading. Minutes logged? Eh.

But beyond all of this, the biggest obstacle to NHL talk – in general, remember, not localized, passionate talk about the hometown team – on the radio, is an axiom I claim as a Czabe original.

“SPORTS TALK RADIO ABHORS RANDOMNESS.”

Randomness. What do I mean by this? Aren’t all sports, somewhat random? Subject to a bounce here, and a call there?

Sure.

But hockey has a far greater percentage of it than the other sports. The puck bounces and caroms around hundreds – probably thousands – of times and ways during a hockey game. Even though the players and teams are seemingly well orchestrated in their attack schemes and passing, the fact remains: hockey is furious blender of skates, sticks, and bodies.

The goal that propelled Anaheim into the Finals? A whiff on a clearing pass deep in the zone. What sort of sports talk radio “discussion” do you have about that? “Gee, that sucked.”

In football, if an INT is returned for a TD, callers can at least question why a team was throwing in that situation. Whose fault it was, the QB or the WR. And on and on.

In hockey, it’s often just random, cruel, fate. Ask a guy by the name of Steve Smith.

The goal that put the Ducks up 1-0 in the series was scored by their CHECKING line! How do you construct an elaborate, passionate discussion about that winning goal? You can’t.

Sports talk radio is all about two things.

1. Making predictive boasts before a sporting event.
2. Issuing gloating “I Told You So’s” after the event.

Hockey, just doesn’t allow for these two things very well. And thus its appeal is further limited. Hockey fans should simply feel good that the game is an unmatched adrenaline rush to watch in person – especially in pursuit of Lord Stanley.

And that despite low TV ratings, and a lack of mainstream sports talk exposure, the league will exist comfortably for years to come. Watch. Enjoy. And be realistic.

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