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Attack of The Killer Turf!!

By Steve Czaban on May 12, 2008 12:00 AM | Permalink

We are a nation of sissies. This fact is undisputable.

Further proof came last week, when USA Today ran a big front page story about the possible “dangers” of astro-turf playing fields.

Possible high levels of lead. Ooooohhhhh! Lead. Run away!

Look, I know lead based paints are bad. I know that it’s a good thing we don’t have heavy lead based paints anymore that are chipping off huge potato chip sized flakes that little kids are munching on for snack.

But the “dangers” of astro-turf fields has to be as statistically small as the danger of Mark Mangino falling on you as you walk to the mailbox.

The first thing that struck me about the story was this photo. My god, that job looks like it really sucks! You’ve got a crew of what looks like 8 guys, with carpet scrapers and knee pads, and 30,000 square feet of carpet to rip up.

And that bitch is GLUED down every friggin’ inch!

Good thing it was April, not July. No thank you!

Of course, this might just be a good excuse to rip up the old crummy version, and install the fancy new stuff on the taxpayer dime, with the ruse of “public safety” as a rationale.

If you read the article, there are also ninnies who worry that the “crumb rubber” infill on the good turf, might ALSO be dangerous. How exactly, I’m not totally sure.

Maybe if you slide head first and keep your mouth open like a basking shark, you could injest a real stomach crushing scoop of ground up tires. I don’t know. You might also get skinned knees, a bump on your head, or a dislocated shoulder.

Not that actual ground with mud and grass is much better. You can break your ankle in an uneven bare spot, get rocks or glass embedded in your skin, absorb unhealthy amounts of fertilizer, or – god forbid – get stung by a bee sitting on a clover.

Oh yeah. Real ground has radon as well. Eeek! Run away!

In the meantime, I’m just glad they actually allow kids to play sports at all anymore. I mean, look how dangerous they are. Plus, feelings can get hurt. Let’s all go crawl in our bubble, and just simulate the games with computers.

>>>>>>>>>>>>

AND NOW, YOUR PIC O' THE DAY!!

Does this chick know you??

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What Would Irv Have Said?
Hi Steve: When Bob brought up the other day the things may have been different with Brett had Irv been around, I really got to thinking. Since Holmgren, and likely Wolf departed, and his dad died, Favre has had no one to really fear. Next up, Ray Rhodes and Mike Sherman, who let him run wild. Since he didn't have accountability, he could become more of a diva with no one to bring him down to earth. By the time Thompson and McCarthy came along and weren't willing to let Brett walk all over the team, he had been unaccountable for long enough that he couldn't handle it and resented it. Hurt feelings resulted from him having to answer to someone for a change, and from fewer special "Brett rules". I am very curious how he handles Mangini, whom I have been told by a Jets fan is hated by the players. And, wait till Mike Lupica shreds him by mid-October. Read the NY press, they are building him up and up, and they will love tearing him down. See ya, donkey, Terry Rindt Read more ...

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August 2008

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Attack of The Killer Turf!!