Miami and Minnesota: High Hopes

1. Two A Days: Miami and Minnesota

Miami Dolphins: Odds to Win Super Bowl XLI: 20-1
Boy, could more people be riding the ‘Fish as their “darkhorse” team to win it all this year? I don’t exactly get it, other than the 6 game winning streak to end their season, and the addition of Dante Culpepper.

Let me throw some cold water on all that for a second.

That 6-game streak, included wins over Oakland, Buffalo, the Jets and Tennessee. Furthermore, the last win, New England, included Doug Flutie attempting a DROP KICK! Plus, four of those wins came from 1, 2, 4, and 2 points.

Nuff said, there.

They are “saying” that Culpepper is “ahead” of schedule. Whatever. Let me see him drop back forcefully, and throw a pass. Just hopping around throwing a bit in shorts, doesn’t impress. Plus, when he does come back, will he be as mobile as before. And if he’s not, then how valuable is a guy like that who sometimes makes panic decisions to run or throw when the pocket gets “hot?”

Joey Harrington ought to scare the shit out of Dolphin fans, but then again, what QB hasn’t done that the last 5 years?

LJ Shelton and Will Allen were nice FA pickups, and they say rookie CB Jason Allen can play right away. Good, because he may need to.

Schedule strength is 27th, and that’s good too. But I think way too much stock is being put in a team that until some late week garbage time in ’05, was a pathetic 3-7 and still reeling from a 22-0 pounding by Cleveland.

If you think this year’s team is a true SB contender, then you must be smokin’ some of whatever Ricky is these days.

Minnesota Vikings: Odds to Win Super Bowl XLI: 35-1
Brad Childress’ hiring means that an adult is finally in charge of things up in Minneapolis. Randy Moss, Dante, and just about every knucklehead running back is now gone from the team. Chester Taylor comes over from Baltimore, and he’s probably going to win the job in camp as the #1 back.

Can Brad Johnson still play? Not very much, but he was loosely effective for the long relief stint he had in 2005.

So what’s the long term gameplan in Minnesota at the position? Beats me. Surely Mike McMahon is not the future, neither is Shaun Hill. Rookie Tavaris Jackson from Alabama State has some insider hype as being special, but did last 64 picks deep in the draft.

And can you imagine a more scraggly bunch of names at WR than Koren Robinson, Travis Taylor, Troy Williamson, and Marcus Robinson. Aside from Troy, it’s like the Vikes have become a halfway house for other teams’ failed projects.

I don’t think anybody in Minnesota is trying to sell this year as being anything but a rebuild or “stop the bleeding” year. Still, it’s a direction the club simply had to make.

2. Donkey Helmets

It’s pretty cool what a kick-ass logo designer like my guy Dave Mann from Milwaukee can do, when teamed up with another guy who does customized mini-helmets. I was just the basic idea guy, they put it all together.

And as you can see, we now have actually copies of the “Southwest Tech Fightin’ Donkeys” football helmets in various historical versions.

The left version is the “current” helmet logo and colors.
The middle version is the “Michigan” version, with flying donkey legs.
The right version, is the “throwback” version, with old-school 2-bar facemask.

I have a limited run of 36 of these helmets and plan to sell them at the B&B Open if anybody wants such a piece of Czabe-icana. I am planning on charging $30 for any of the versions plain, and $40 if you want my autograph on it.

If you think I’m price gouging, just let me know. After all, daddy needs to keep his baby girls in new shoes, you know?

3. Glick Sighting

For those who have missed the super delicious newsbabe Alexis Glick from the Today Show, here’s a nugget on where she’s at now from Lloyd Grove’s “Reliable Sources” in the NY Post on July 21st.

CLICK OFF GLICK? Just how brutal is the television biz? As brutal as they come, judging by the career trajectory of former NBC News "rising star" Alexis Glick. Remember when the 33-year-old Glick was being touted far and wide as a possible "Today" show successor to Katie Couric? Only a year ago, she was a regular on the morning show's 9 o'clock hour and getting, according to one report, "increasing face time." But in March, Glick abruptly left NBC. Now, I hear, she's talking to Fox News Channel about an off-air management position.

REACT: I don’t know what the hell is going on here. Unless I’m a terrible judge of talent, this is one of the most stunning career dead-ends I’ve ever seen. Not only is Alexis HOT in a family-friendly kind of way, but she was GOOD. At least as good as Natalie Whorealis. Ooops. Morales. How can you go from being an “heir apparent” to the #1 throne in TV news, to an OFF-AIR management spot at Fox?

4. Fox News “Pitching Staff”

Plus, can you imagine how strong the Fox hottie lineup would be if they put Alexis Glick ON the air? I mean, here’s your starting rotation:

(From Left To Right)
1. Juliet Huddy: Bright eyed, fantastic smile. Never has an off day. Like a young Roy Oswalt.

2. Jane Skinner: Ever seen her flirt with Shep Smith on the air? OMG! Nice, happy, sexy woman in her prime. Makes it look easy, like Tom Glavine about 7 years ago.

3. Linda Vester: Before you scoff, check her out on the mid-day show, and put the radar gun on her bombs, then get back to me. Sultry and mature, everybody thinks she’s just average looking next to her peers, but she gets it done. Think: Greg Maddux.

4. Rudy Bakhtiar: CNN Headline News import, and great addition to the staff. Somewhat awkward “arm motion” with her nose, but still devastatingly sexy with her Iranian bloodlines.

5. E.D. Hill: The grizzled vet of the staff, she’ll bust you inside with her aggressiveness. Not to be taken lightly, even as 5th starter. Think Randy Johnson.

Your Closer: Laurie Dhue
I mean, look at that pure 100 MPH fastball power in her lips. Unhittable. Plus, the sultry way she says her own name. Consistently brings the heat.

In the Bullpen (L-R)

1. Kiran Chetry: Your jack-of-all trades babe at the Network. Can work various assignments, do some long middle relief when needed. Very undervalued.

2. Page Hopkins: The Cameron Diaz lookalike can sometimes get “hit hard” when her makeup isn’t just right.

3. Julie Banderas: You gotta have a Latina arm in the bullpen, right?

4. Patti Anne Brown: Like Jamie Moyer, she’s technically not that hot, but somehow finds a way to get people out.

5. Terry Keenan: Money babe. Like a one-batter left-handed specialist.

5. And Now Your Pic O' The Day!

Here's supermodel Victoria Silvstedt, canoodling with some fat loser! Come on! Oh, wait a minute. I bet he's rich. Ya think?