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Peter King, Meet Private Ryan

By Steve Czaban on March 28, 2007 12:00 AM |

cover_king_ryan.jpg

Just one day after we carpet bombed Len Pasquerelli’s credibility back to the stone ages with a thorough dissection of his pathetic “attempt to get Jeff George a job column” it is also high time to dispatch another bomber run at fellow NFL stooge writer Peter King.

To review, I want to see three guys in particular, knocked out of the Pro Football Hall of Fame Committee selection room for good. They are (in no particular order)…

Pasquerrelli: For insanely pathetic shit like the Jeff George story.

Dr. Z: For a raging bitterness, that blinds his ability to be even marginally objective.

Peter King: For general cluelessness about EVERYTHING…

To wit!

Emailer Patrick McLaughlin dispatches this little nugget….

TO: Czabe
FROM: Patrick McLaughlin
RE: Peter King “Finds” Private Ryan

Czabe,

I've got a question.

In the span of a few articles, Peter King has clued us in on his "discovery"
of:

1) Saving Private Ryan

2) Guinness

3) Ipods

Normally, I would cut a football expert some slack, figuring he has his head so consumed with football, he has not had time for the outside world.

However, Mary Beth's dad likes to fashion himself a commentator on society and culture at large, what with his constant observations about "real life" and all (plus we know he's no football expert).

Reading his articles, I feel like I'm talking to my dementia-suffering Uncle in Boca Raton, who is amazed by simple household appliances.

My question is this: How long will it be until King is writing the "About Town" column for his local Saturday freebie, filling us in on a certain you know who is about to turn 40?

Sincerely,
Patrick

Of course, I responded with: “You are making all this up, right?” Because often, you crazy kids out there with laptops and email accounts, will whip up shit that is cuttingly hilarious, but utterly fabricated. This, to me, didn’t pass the smell test, even for the concrete skulled field hockey fan from Hackensack.

I was wrong….

Czabe,

No shit.

Guinness and Ipods "discovered" 3/19:

-One of the best discoveries of midlife: St. Patrick's Day. Never thought I'd love Guinness, but it's pretty close to the perfect beer.

(Anyone who is his age and is just now trying the nectar of the Irish gods has no business opining that any beer is perfect)

-Just discovering the iPod, one of the great inventions of all time, and my one recent find was Norah Jones. What an incredible voice. Shows what a music dolt I am that I barely knew her.

(I guess he missed Norah back when she won every grammy that year)

Saving Private Ryan 3/5:

-Ashamed to say it only took me nine years to see Saving Private Ryan.
Memorable movie. Incredible job by Tom Hanks. That's the best I've seen him. And were you as stunned as I was to see Matt Damon show up two-thirds of the way through the movie as the title character?

(Matt Damon is nowhere near the most stunning thing in the paragraph above)

What a joke.

Patrick

LAST REACT: Now it’s okay to be a little “clueless” about some things (I know I am about a lot of them), but Guinness Beer, iPods, and “Saving Private Ryan!?”

What’s next? Will Peter King write about the joyful discovery of “lap dances, chewing gum, and American Idol?”

And once again, please remember: THIS GUY IS A GATEKEEPER TO THE HALL OF FAME! No wonder it took him almost as many years as it did to see Saving Private Ryan as it did to figure out Art Monk is INDEED a Hall-worthy wideout.

Pathetic.

AND NOW YOUR PIC O' THE DAY!!

picoday_easter_egg.jpg

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Mailbag

What Would Irv Have Said?
Hi Steve: When Bob brought up the other day the things may have been different with Brett had Irv been around, I really got to thinking. Since Holmgren, and likely Wolf departed, and his dad died, Favre has had no one to really fear. Next up, Ray Rhodes and Mike Sherman, who let him run wild. Since he didn't have accountability, he could become more of a diva with no one to bring him down to earth. By the time Thompson and McCarthy came along and weren't willing to let Brett walk all over the team, he had been unaccountable for long enough that he couldn't handle it and resented it. Hurt feelings resulted from him having to answer to someone for a change, and from fewer special "Brett rules". I am very curious how he handles Mangini, whom I have been told by a Jets fan is hated by the players. And, wait till Mike Lupica shreds him by mid-October. Read the NY press, they are building him up and up, and they will love tearing him down. See ya, donkey, Terry Rindt Read more ...

Previously in the Mailbag:
  1. RE: Dan Snyder vs. Jerry Jones
  2. Redskin Nation Shows Up Proud In Canton
  3. Hoes Up, Parents Down
  4. Brawl Memories in College Basketball
  5. Hey Stern, How's That Globalization Thing Working Out?