The Bonds Death Star Is Fully Operational

The baseball season begins on Monday, and Barry Bonds will begin his assault on Ruth and Aaron.

And not unlike Star Wars, where Darth Vader’s seemingly partially assembled Death Star is actually fully operational, Bonds seems primed and ready to obliterate the planet Alderon (Ruth) with 8 more HRs, and Tatooine (Aaron) with 48 more.

The Bonds-Vader parallel is even closer when you consider this passage from Wikipedia on Vader:

Because his natural abilities place him leaps and bounds above his peers, Anakin (Vader) has developed into an arrogant and socially awkward loner in his years of Jedi training. His relationship with his master is complicated; although he says Obi-Wan is like a father to him, he chafes against his authority and believes he is holding him back. Frustrated, he turns to another teacher for advice: Palpatine, who feeds the young padawan's fragile ego with assurances that he will one day be the greatest Jedi in the galaxy.

Now could one easily cast Obi-Wan as Willie Mays, Bonds’ godfather? Old school, and seemingly wanting Bonds to stay on the “good” side of the baseball “force.” And could you cast Victor Conte as Palpatine, the master puppet, seeking a vessel in Bonds to fulfill his evil drug-enhancing genius?

Even if that analogy is a stretch (I’ll confess to being just a casual Star Wars and baseball fan) I think it’s fair to say that right now if Bud Selig or somebody else doesn’t step up and shoot two bullseye lazer beams down the Death Star’s exhaust pipe (a Bonds suspension, perhaps?) then it will be too late.

Bonds, like Vader, doesn’t care.

And Bonds, like Vader, had grand designs back in 2000 to build his body to Death Star like proportions in order to wreak havoc on the record books. The moment is here for Bonds, and he won’t have a change of heart now.

The only question is, does Bud or Hank, or anybody have the guts to stop him?

Big fun, if you ask me. I’ve got my popcorn on my lap, and can’t wait to see what happens next.

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The Indiana hiring of Kelvin Sampson is curious, to say the least. For starters, why not at least TRY Steve Alford now? I understand his tourney record is underwhelming, but the time is ripe to see if the Golden Boy would really work out in Bloomington.

If it didn’t, you could get the Kelvin Sampsons of the world any time.

Furthermore, it’s not like Sampson was HOT right now. In fact, he’s got some not-inconsequential recruiting violations hanging over his head in the form of about 550 illegal phone calls to recruits.

I’ve also been told by my IU insider, “Hoosier Dave” in the ATL, that Sampson’s grad rate is damn near ZERO while at OU.

And not that it matters to me, but at least Bobby Knight did not cheat, and got his kids through school.

That being said, I think Sampson is a solid coach, who should do well enough at IU. But will he be “great” and was this the best man for the job right now? I can’t answer that for sure, but it seems like this coaching “search” was done half-assed at best.

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Back to Bonds for a minute. He’s got a website, www.barrybonds.com. And I’ve been checking it lately for updates. No dice. Stale as bread left out on your dashboard. The last update was March 8th, and in it he sends out his heartfelt (if a website can be heartfelt) condolences to the family of Kirby Puckett.

Gee, what’s next? A recognition of the moon landing?

Anyway, Bonds also has a really cool section of his site called “shout outs.” This month, Barry sends a “shout out” to the following people….

Aaron Wohlmuth
Sean Scott
Keith Poston
Lisa Conneally
Vicky Gil
Caleb Jones
Jon Michael Bosley
James Clanton
Marcus Ramsey
Patrick Hunt
Doug Beard
Andy Baker
Joe Elliott
Ken Mottard
Matt Popp
Reggie Foy
Walt Cohen
Garrett Collings
Jake Madewell
Mike Berg
Ken Duncan

Yeah, man! Word! (Psst. I don’t know who ANYBODY on this list is. Do you?)

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Don’t you just love it when somebody commits a horrible crime, and then some idiot who knew the guy is willing to say (invariably) “Wow. I never saw this coming with him. He was such a good guy.”

It’s happened again, this time in the wake of the “rave massacre” up in Seattle where Aaron Kyle Huff gunned down six youths in a pre-dawn bloodbath.

Here’s the money passage…

Police said the gunman left the house party and returned around 7 a.m. to commit one of the biggest mass killings in city history.

"The drugs are unreal," said Chris Meyer, 22, who said he stopped going because of the drugs. "The more and more I went, it was just people sitting around on the floor."

REACT: The ultimate irony was the unofficial “name” given to this particular zombie rave: “Better Off Undead.” Oops. Never mind.

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Here's your "Pic O' The Day!"

Guess who this is? One Amy Sabbatini, wife of noted hot-head and fast walker Rory Sabbatini on the PGA Tour. Her hubby's group had been put "on the clock" at the Players, and she decided to be helpful by showing off this shirt. And you think THAT will help SPEED things up?