The Dog-Ear Doesn't Lie: '85 Lottery Fix Revealed!

After watching this video of the 1985 NBA Lottery, I felt like somebody being shown crystal clear footage of Big Foot standing in line for a combo at McDonalds.

All these years, all these theories of frozen envelopes. How silly. It was right in front of our nose. The great “Ewing Fix” was as hamhanded as a drunk at a roulette wheel trying to pull back his chips once the ball has landed.

Like for years when “researchers” and “scientists” were frantically trying to explain crop circles. The most simple explanation (it’s humans!) was rejected out of hand. Too hard! Somebody would notice! The geometry is too perfect!

Nah. Just guys with boards and rope, and graph paper. That, some dark clothes, a lot of time, and a sense of humor. Voila! Crop circles.

Full credit to ESPN’s Page 2 NBA wonk Bill Simmons, who frankly, loves the NBA too much for his own good. Simmons wrote about this YouTube footage, and points out many key points.

Allow me to amplify and add a few of my own. Namely, the following…

1. Who in the hell is impressed with an accounting firm being responsible for the security of the envelopes? Accountants? Helloooo. They are the FIRST ones to rip off a company when things go south! I say, if you want total integrity, get a NUN!

2. Whenever you say “conspiracy” people say: “Yeah, but think of how many people would have to be involved. Somebody would end up talking.” In this case, it only needed to be a conspiracy of two. Stern, and the dude from Ernst & Whinney. That’s it. That’s all you need. A quiet moment in private between the two. Not hard at all.

3. Think like a lawyer. When a crime is committed, you need 2 things: Motive and opportunity. The motive was clear. Get a gem of a player like Ewing, in a place where he could help maximize the league’s appeal. New York. Duh. And for opportunity, hell, how much more opportunity can you get than having your hands on the envelopes!

Most importantly, please take note of David Stern’s pronounced EXHALE just before he reaches into the drum for the notorious envelope with the dog-eared corner by way of that oh-so-subtle smash into the side of the drum.

The exhale says it all. Why so nervous, David? You are just the impartial administrator of a random drawing. It doesn’t matter where Ewing ends up, right? Plus, you get paid the same either way?

What a pathetic “tell.” Even a novice poker player could have seen that one from across the felt table. Now we know why he cracked. At that very moment, Stern was about to attempt a little bit of “weekend David Blain-ery” to make sure the Knicks got that folded envelope.

If he botched the well rehearsed gambit (fiddle with latch/lock on drum while looking in for the envelope, dig under any other envelopes to get the right one) then a chance to land Ewing in Gotham would be irretrievably lost.

Perhaps even worse, would be an overt attempt to get that envelope which goes poorly. What if Stern were to drop the envelope in the drum out of nervousness, and then go fishing haplessly for it in a panic?

Stern knew, that the entire credibility of the league, and his entire career rested on the next 15 seconds. Frankly, I’m impressed he didn’t piss himself.

Now that this much time has passed, I doubt any “mainstream” sports media member will chase this very intriguing story. I doubt any one will write it, investigate it, seek to get people “on the record.”

That person would be too easily dismissed as a whack job, or somebody who spends too much time reading blogs. Even when faced with such damning visual evidence: “Mr. Commissioner, why did your accountant inexplicably FLING one envelope to the side of the drum, but laid the others down as gently as your mother’s fine china?”

So the stonewalling will continue. And the real truth will probably never be accepted. I find it hard to believe that so many people call me and others crazy, assuming that a pro sports league is beyond a little corruption like this.

One should assume the opposite. The NBA had every reason to cheat on this, very little outside accountability to make sure they did not, and the ability to deny, bully, or simply ignore those who might cry “foul.”

You watch the video. You make the call. I have now seen Big Foot. And he is real.

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My parents travelled to Turkey last month, and my mom saw this Clearchannel billboard and immediately suggested a "business trip." Wow. My company! In Turkey!