The Full Scouting Report on Amanda Beard

God bless the internet. A co-worker was promising to bring in the Amanda Beard Playboy nudies for me to gawgle (after all, why would she do this, if she didn’t want me to ‘check ‘em out!’) and yet always seemed to forget.

Impatient, and too cheap (embarrassed/afraid of the wife) to go buy a Playjerk myself, I hit the ol’ Google highway.

Helloooo……

Anyhow, let’s start with the obvious. Nice body. Who doesn’t like a female swimmer’s physique? Ever seen a bad one? Broad shoulders, killer back, v-shaped torso.

But let’s do what men do. Let’s really put the “scout’s eye” to the overall Amanda Beard experience. It’s not that any of us would tell her to “beat it” if she got frisky in a bar, but as men, we do have a critical eye toward the most elite looking women in the world.

This is what we do. We’re experts. It has nothing to do with how WE look ourselves. We know that (with few exceptions) we are fat, hairy, pigs. That’s not the point. The point is, Amanda Beard wants to play at an elite level here in Playboy. Good for her. But it’s time for the radar gun.

For starters, Amanda’s face is very angular, and some would say scary. The big blue fish eyes are hypnotic at first, but more and more creepy the closer you look at ‘em.

I’m okay with the hood scoop’s relative size, and shape. It looks a touch Jim Furyk-ey, but overall acceptable. I’m troubled by the thinness however. It looks sharp enough to cut yourself on.

The mouth complex is troubling to me as a scout looking 10 years into Amanda’s future. She’s already got a little bit of “drawstring upper lip” going on, and it will probably only get worse. Like Katie Couric, this happens a lot to smokers, but I doubt Amanda smokes. Still, the upper lip area is tight and presents a thinner than preferred top soup-cooler.

She’s got a pretty big front grille – perhaps too toothy for some, but I’ve always been a fan of the big white smile. Bottom teeth are all out of sorts, but then again, when are you ever going to use those if she’s your girlfriend?

Frontcourt is nice. Looks like a sporty B+/C- cup size. If you insist on original equipment with the funbags and not aftermarket bolt-ons, you pretty much don’t want them getting bigger than this, unless you like big ‘n’ floppy. They could be firmer from the looks of them, although none of the shots gives you that perfect un-grabbed frontal view. Perfect little radio dials too.

Moving downstairs, we don’t get to see what type of “rough” she’s sporting at the moment. Of course, you can always change that. Personally, I’m a landing strip guy. You gotta have a little somethin’ down there to make it special.

As for her butt, I’m rather uninspired. Of course, butts are NOT my specialty. I’ve been a boob man my whole post-adolescent life, not an ass-man. Still, I would like to see her with a little more hip curvage, and a little more junk in the trunk.

Overall, she’s pretty sporty, I’ll give you that. Still, I don’t think she could touch Summer Sanders, who may have less frontcourt, but is an overall softer, sweeter look. In terms of being a “major league babe” I’d say more like AAA.

To paraphrase a famous statement years ago about Larry Bird by Dennis Rodman: “If she were a stripper. She’d be just another good lookin’ girl on a stage.”

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AND NOW, YOUR PIC O’ THE DAY!!

Found in Wisconsin. Step lightly!