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The New Breakfast of Champions: Sugar!
So much for the phrase: "Eat your Wheaties."
Michael Phelps has signed a deal to appear on the cover of boxes of Frosted Flakes this fall, bucking the decades old tradition of Olympic and other athletes appearing on Wheaties: aka "The Breakfast of Champions."
Naturally, doctors - those killjoys - are crying foul.
Personally, I love the phrase "Breakfast of Champions" since it is so easily mockable by me and the fellas. It doesn't matter what pile of junk I'm quaffing first thing in the morning (jelly donut, pop-tart, sausage-egg-cheese McGriddle, or a beer with cold pizza) you can always dub it "The Breakfast of Champions" and just move ahead with the fact that you are NOT an Olympic caliber athlete.
But seeing as how Phelps and his agents have deemed it a new day and age in which his youthful celebrity image could be used to skew toward slightly younger "brands" in the old cereal game, I think he could have gone even further.
For example, it is now well documented that Phelps eats somewhere just north of 10,000 calories per day - and he STILL has a hard time keeping the weight on! Shows you what a mere six hours in the pool will do for a 23 year old metabolism.
So given that he could eat any crap-dipped corn-based cereal he wanted and not lose one split second of time in the pool, I think we should suggest the top-10 cereals it would have been even COOLER for Phelps to endorse.
1. Cookie Crisp - A cereal, made entirely out of pure sugar in the shape of fake cookies. Brilliant! A scourge to parents everywhere!
2. Cinnamon Toast Crunch - Deliciously sweet, with extra powdery sugar on top of each fake piece of "toast." Ahhgggghlllllhgghhgllll!
3. Lucky Charms - They keep adding more marshmallows to the mix, because kids (and by that I mean guys like me who are FORTY!) keep writing letters to General Mills complaining that the ratio is too low. You could even have a "Gold Medal" marshmallow added for Phelps.
4. Captain Crunch Berries - All the delicious, mouth scarring sugar infused corn particles as plain ol' Captain Crunch, but with a slew of even more hyper-soaked fake "berries" thrown in for good measure.
5. Honey Smacks - Once upon a time in a galaxy far far away - okay, the 1980's - these were known as "Sugar Smacks." However, some marketing genius figured out that the tide would turn someday on the overt notion of pumping sugar into our kids first thing in the morning, and thus they changed the name. Now, brain dead mommies look at the box and say: "Oh. It's just HONEY. Whew. I'll take 4 boxes."
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What Would Irv Have Said?
Hi Steve:
When Bob brought up the other day the things may have been different with Brett had Irv been around, I really got to thinking. Since Holmgren, and likely Wolf departed, and his dad died, Favre has had no one to really fear. Next up, Ray Rhodes and Mike Sherman, who let him run wild. Since he didn't have accountability, he could become more of a diva with no one to bring him down to earth. By the time Thompson and McCarthy came along and weren't willing to let Brett walk all over the team, he had been unaccountable for long enough that he couldn't handle it and resented it. Hurt feelings resulted from him having to answer to someone for a change, and from fewer special "Brett rules".
I am very curious how he handles Mangini, whom I have been told by a Jets fan is hated by the players. And, wait till Mike Lupica shreds him by mid-October. Read the NY press, they are building him up and up, and they will love tearing him down.
See ya, donkey,
Terry Rindt
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Good for him - assuming he went to the high bidder it's the American Way. Most of us 'over 35' ate sugary cereals as kids - but we played hard and worked it off - sorry today's kids are spoiled - not my fault and not M. Phelp's. The hand-wringing liberals who think they're smarter than everyone else and know-it-all can cry all they want. Most of them aren't fat - but they don't look healthy either.
Reminds me of the old Saturday Night Live days with John Belushi running around the track to Olympic gold, while saying he ate little chocolate doughnuts as part of his training table.
"I've logged a lot of miles training for that day... and I've downed a lot of donuts."
I would have gone for the Coco Puffs endorsement myself, but hey, I'm not an Olympic Athlete. As for the crying doctors, fvck 'em. Let them train to become world-class athletes then they can endorse whichever product they want.
Starting off the day with sugar that you'll burn off anyway.....what's wrong with that? The problem is everything else that you put into your pie-hole the rest of the day.
Thanks Czabe! I still from time to time pick up a box of Cinnamon Toast Crunch. It still tastes as delicious as it did back when.
There was one cereal I just couldn't stand when I was a kid - KIX. It tasted like a cardboard box with no sugary sweetness.
I prefered the old Trix cereal of the 70's. The current version does not taste the same.
Saturday morning with a tupperware bowl and a half gallon of milk...good times, good times.
Also remember the similar but different cereal to Sugar Smacks (frog with a baseball cap and jacket mascot) was actually SUPER Sugar Crisp!! (bear with a sweater mascot). That name is the tops! Then they fell into the PC pool and changed it to Super Golden Crisp. I know, eww, sort of like the failed 'Marquette Gold'.
Whoa Whoa Whoa! Why would he settle on frosted flakes? There are much better cereals for sure. One in particular in which I am surprised that hasn't been mentioned yet is Reese's Puffs Cereal. Czabe, have you never tried Reese's Puffs Cereal? It's hard to explain what its like drinking the milk after such delicious cereal other than saying if Reese's cups were alive, you would need to milk all the female ones and drink their unpasteurized sustenance to have a clue on how good is. I suggest picking up a box right away and I wouldn't put it past you to sit down and finish the entire thing in one sitting.
By far, the greatest cereal ever made was one that I dont think is even made anymore: Quisp.
Black_Hat:
If you live in the Milwaukee area, I just saw Quisp cereal at Sendik's while I was brousing the cereal aisle there.
too funny!
Forget Reilly....Czabe, you bring the goods!Though Froot Loops were my fav. I guess they couldn't actually call them "Fruit" loops with their unabashed absence of any fruit particles.
C'mon, KABOOM kicked ass.