Yep, That's Their Story...

Another 24 hours has revealed plenty more about the T.O. “Non-Suicide” attempt. And this entry here, certainly won’t reflect the most current items that come to light almost hourly right now.

So let me try to cut through all the clutter, and look 12 months down the road.

The following statements I think are almost beyond argument.

1. Bill Parcells and Terrell Owens will NOT be on the same team in 2007. Period. Now this may mean an unpopular firing by Jerry Jones, just to keep his boy T.O. Or, Parcells finally wins out, and gets his way, and they cut the 3-year deal at one, and eat the $10 mil bonus.

2. This “story” that Owens and Ethridge are putting out, needs to “hold up” for the rest of the season. And I’m not betting that it will. Remember the 911 tapes are coming out, and that more and more little nuggets will come out to paint a fuller picture. Prime example is Owens’ training saying that he just broke up with his fiancé, and that he was upset about not getting to be with his 7 year old son on his birthday. Stay tuned.

3. Terrell Owens’ next team (if there is one, and don’t automatically think there will be one) will require that he take a psych exam, if not treatment. What franchise would be willing to jump into this ongoing headache, for a wideout of declining skills, ever increasing injuries, and perhaps suicidal tendencies? And oh yeah, Rosenhaus will want this team to pay him lots, and lots, o’ money. Uh huh. Good luck.

So if things go perfectly from here on out, it would take the following.

- Owens suicide denial somehow survives public doubt.
- Owens stays perfectly low-profile for the rest of the year.
- Owens gets healthy, and starts to earn his big salary.
- Owens and the Cowboys make the playoffs.
- Bill Parcells grows to actually, somehow, tolerate his presence on the team.

If all that happens, then I would say that Owens and Parcells coming back together, has a 50-50 chance of happening.

But I don’t see that happening. Do you?

>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Kim “The Black Melissa” Ethridge has got to be one of the stupidest PR women of all time. Not only did she call the Dallas PD a bunch of liars who were trying to “take advantage” of Owens (how exactly, this would be a benefit to the PD was left entirely unclear), but she also uttered the idiotic walk-off line of the century by proclaiming: “Terrell has 25 million reasons” to not commit suicide.

Oh sure. Rich people never have problems. And they never commit suicide. No really. That’s all it is. If you have money, you just sit around all day saying: “Man, I sure would hate to die with all this money lying around.”

All that, plus she called T.O. a “man of this statue.” Um, that’s stature, honey. Look it up. The meaning is quite a bit different.

But hey, she was chewing gum, so I think that helped “sell” the story.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Speaking of stupid, I suppose I could excuse a floozy PR flak for Owens for this level of “I Obviously Don’t Get It.” But what about supposedly respected writers like Pete Prisco of CBS Sportsline?

Here’s what Prisco wrote:
There was no way this was a man would try to kill himself. He likes life. He likes being in the spotlight. There were reports that Owens told police he was depressed, but he denied that Wednesday when he met the media. "I'm not depressed by any means," Owens said. He didn't look it, either. When he arrived at the team facility, he wore a bright red shirt and hat. Not exactly colors for a man in depression.

REACT: All it took was a red shirt and a smile to fool Dr. Prisco. Wow. I would love to sell him some real estate some day.

I just love how some people must think that suicidal people are so easy to spot. That loved ones of suicide victims see it coming so far in advance. What does Prisco think? That people who know somebody will commit suicide have it on their “To Do” list and that they just never get around to stopping it.

“Man, I really need to stop that person I love from killing themselves. It’s just that I was busy mowing the lawn and going to the grocery store. Darn it! I knew I shouldn’t have put it off like that!”

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Mark Brunell had a bang-up day against the Texans, didn’t he guys? While I am certainly happy, it needs to be noted the relative puny-ness of the passes. Not as a knock, but just as facts.
12 of his 24 completions were to running backs or tight ends.
And 11 of his passes DID NOT CROSS the line of scrimmage!
Here’s the breakdown, courtesy of my film watching buddy and radio colleague Scott Linn.

Note: “+/-“ refers to yards beyond or behind the line of scrimmage in the air. Run after catch is not noted here.

-2 Portis
-1 Moss
+3 Lloyd
+1 Cooley
-5 Randle El
0 Sellers
-2 Sellers
+3 Portis
-2 Cooley
+7 Betts
+6 Moss

+17 to Randle El (NOTE: This catch was wiped out by a Skins penalty, but must be noted, the pass was a STONE COLD interception, that was flat out dropped by a Texan, and then caromed to Randle El.)

-4 Cooley

+26 Patten (NOTE: A good strong throw, but only because he had nothing to lose at end of half. Also threw it high, and nearly got him killed. FWIW.)

+3 Lloyd
+6 Randle El
-3 Moss
+2 Sellers
-5 Betts
+2 Moss
+6 Lloyd
+6 Moss
-2 Moss
INCOMPLETE
INCOMPLETE
+2 Cooley
-4 Betts

Now again, I’m not knocking a gameplan that works, and this one did. But let’s not get too far ahead of ourselves and think this will work against most decent (or better) teams.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Okay… Jimmy Masterlock Time!

Last Week
2-1-1 Overall
Barking Dog: WINNER!
Over Under Six Pack 4-2

SEASON TOTALS
5-6-1 Overall
2-1 Barking Dog
12-5 Over/Under 6-Pack

San Diego -2.5 at Baltimore
Coming off a bye, I think the Chargers are ready to make a statement here. The Ravens offense has been back to its old stagnant self. Can Ray Ray and Co. stop LT and Gates? Not really.

Atlanta -7 vs. Cardinals
Following an inexplicably flat outing vs. the Saints, I think Jim Mora wedges his ass deep into their collective butts. Falcons D will have Kurt Warner spinnin’ and flailin’.

New England +6 at Cincinnati
Bengals spent themselves a bit in big divisional win vs. Steelers. Hello, let down spot. And even though the Patriots looked dead to the world in getting handled by the Broncos, it’s just been so gad-damn long since I was able to buy the Pats PLUS 6 points. I’m sucker. Gimme Brady, and he’ll figure out how to cover that number.

New Orleans +7.5 at Carolina (BARKING DOG)
I still don’t think the Panthers should be laying a TD-plus at this point. Everyone wants to discount New Orleans as a “real” team. I don’t get it. There are as good as anybody right now. And they beat Carolina at their place last year.

Over/Unders
IND/NYJ: O/46.5
NO/CAR: U/41.5
JAX/WAS: U/34
CLE/OAK: O/34
STL/DET: O/43.5

AND NOW, YOUR PIC O' THE DAY!