Wisconsin Ninja, Saves Fat Man, Again

Drew Olson joins me to talk about the extraordinary double-thriller for Wisconsin fans on Monday night. Not just Jeremy Jeffress wiggling out of a bases loaded 9th inning jam, but Aaron Rodgers extending the dumb shit-eating luck of one Mike McCarthy – *Highly Successful Football Coach. The NBA season has begun, and there will be threes! Let’s calm down a bit on poor ol’ Tyreke Hill. And wait until you get drone toothpaste from a cloud!

The NFL’s Referee Spin Zone in Overdrive

So apparently, an illegal pick-play isn’t what you think it is. At least that’s what the latest NFL propaganda video “explainer” from Al Riveron would have you believe after many fans thought the Pittsburgh Steelers got away with a blatant penalty on the game winning Antonio Brown play. Who are you gonna believe? Your own eyes, or smilin’ Al? Andy Pollin joins me to find a glass certainly half full (and probably leaky) when it comes to the Redskins. Nonetheless, we’ll drink our 1st place milk while it’s in the glass! All of that, plus lawnmower, chainsaw, and Tennessee family redneck justice.

Patriots Foil Another Young Fella At Foxboro

The hyped Chiefs v. Patriots game did not disappoint. Not for fantasy owners of Tyreke Hill, or anybody who had the “over.” I run through all of Week 6, including the Redskins bounce-back win over the Panthers. Plus I find some time for NLCS and ALCS talk and a quick look at how the “Big 4 Zeroes” in college football are forming for the playoff run.

Redskins 23 – Panthers 17 – The Great, Good, Bad, Inexplicable

The Great
Adrian Fucking Peterson. Remind me to never ever ever doubt him again. Going into this game, my weeklong lament was that I couldn’t believe that the “best we have” at RB was a 34 year old legend who is now nursing three separate injuries after just 4 games (shoulder, ankle, knee). Well, guess what? HE IS!! And he’s not just the best WE have… he’s still in the top-10 of rushers in the league from an “eye test” standpoint. Peterson has amazing lateral jump-cut ability at the point of attack, still combined with great vision and instinct on where a hole is going to open up. Rest assured, if this same o-line was blocking for Rob Kelly or Samaje Perine, we’d be pissing and moaning about how over-rated the o-line is. Peterson is routinely making them look good, by maximizing the gashes they create, and finding unintended ones when the play has been effectively stuffed. Before the season, I made a (perhaps foolish) “boast bet” about Peterson not lasting the season, or his production fizzle-ing out by Thanksgiving. I said I’d “eat a pumpkin” if he hit a certain milestone. Well, we’re still many weeks away, but put it this way: I’ve already googled a few recipes.

The Good
Josh Norman’s bounce back game. It’s amazing how psycho NFL speculating and punditry can be. For example, after my ex-colleague Kevin Sheehan broke the story on his podcast about Josh’s headphones being angrily removed by force by Jay Gruden at halftime of the Saints game – a story that was ultimately backed up by national reporters like Ian Rappaport and then in-game by Pam Oliver – there were stories being written about Norman being cut this year – CUT! – and speculation about a “messy and expensive divorce” after this year. Well, a great game in coverage and a pick (okay, fair catch, but still!) and a fantastic Peanut Punch forced fumble later, and never mind all of that stuff. The Redskins are NOT going to CUT Norman this year. And I would bet he’ll be here next season, albeit perhaps with a restructure. Jay told me when I sat down for his weekly interview at Redskins Park last Friday that he likes intense players like Norman and that “he’s going to help us win a lot of games in the future.” It was pure coachspeak, but it turned out to be very true. Credit Jay for making a mark on the kind of bullshit he won’t tolerate, then turning the page to help keep a good player fully invested.

The Bad
Alex Smith as a $24 million quarterback. Smith’s offense has scored a single 2nd half touchdown this season. One. A garbage time TD plunge by Kapri Bibbs while trailing the Saints 43-13. In a league designed as a pinball machine with free-games at 20 million points, this is unconscionable. And sure, I’ll lay quite a bit of blame on the lack of dynamic outside WR’s. But let’s be honest, Smith was dogshit in New Orleans, and not very good vs. Carolina. He hit two wide open guys for TDs on coverage breakdowns, but otherwise was late, unsure, and inaccurate. He was 21-36 for only 163 yards while taking 3 sacks and almost losing a fumble after getting blown up by Julius Peppers. To squeeze just 163 yards out of 35+ trigger pulls is very low wattage. I read one beat writer who floated the “new system” excuse, but I reject that out of hand. Cousins has a new system in Minnesota, a swiss cheese O-line, and he’s 2nd in the league in passing yards. Smith was touted as no worse than a plug-and-play equivalent to Cousins. The giddy vibe in the summer from some voices inside the park were gleefully hinting that he’d be a big upgrade. Upgrade! If Smith doesn’t improve, then even a surprise playoff appearance from this team in January, will have a quick ending. Like his appearances usually do.

The Inexplicable
Carolina’s cowardice on 4th down and end of game play-calling. What ever happened to “Riverboat Ron?” The Panthers open the game moving the ball nicely. Face 4th and a football at their own 47. Punt. BAHAHAHAHA! You fucking gutless pussy, Rivera! Five running plays and a punt on 4th and less than 1 at mid-field! With an entire game to come! Seriously, bro, what are you afraid of? And with Cam Newton, who can run through, or jump over, just about anything 4th and 2 or shorter? Wow. Well, as I like to say in the NFL: “Cowardice gets punished.” Sure enough, a great punt is botched by rookie DJ Moore wandering around lost in the end zone. Then after a 3-and-out, Moore fumbles after trying to break his 6th tackle on a punt return while facing backward, at his own 22 yard line. Idiot. Next play: Redskins TD. The Panthers – a team that knows it’s not a comeback team – could have been up 10-0 but basically threw away two possessions right out of the gate, and were looking at 0-17 before they could blink. Then at the end of the game, Carolina did something rather amazing: they OVER-saved their timeouts! Don’t think I’ve ever seen that happen. Not only did they die with two in their pocket, but the play calling on 2nd and 5 from the 16 yard line was mindless. Norv Turner dialed up 3 straight “shot” plays (two into the endzone) that relied on touch and timing – neither one Cam’s strong suit. With two timeouts in your hand  you can run anything and everything. Runs. Draws. RPO’s. Cam keepers. Get the first down first, then you have essentially 1st and goal, 30 seconds left, and yet another timeout to allow for full playbook diversity. These are the things that make me say you or I could be “average” play-callers in the NFL, if we were giving a full season of immersive training. Not great. But not this brain dead.

The Net Net
First place never felt so soft and smelled so nice! The Cowboys come to town next Sunday, riding high after crushing the Jags. Jay followed up a horrible job with a great focused short week. When we all looked at the schedule back in May, 3-2 was the “chalk line of expectations” and here we are. All in all, not bad.

Football Five Ways Friday – Week 6

Another jam-packed and rock-em-sock ’em week! I try to go to an absurd 6-0 on my “Lock-of-the-Week” play. Uncharted territory. Thin air. High pressure. Mr. X explains the “2.5 Point Trap” theory. Plus gives his best release of the weekend. Paul Charchian gives us the skinny on which bums to bench in fantasy. Ty Hildenbrandt of the Solid Verbal podcast talks college football and how Alabama has basically ruined the season for everybody. And a special “Green Room Confidential” with Mike Jones of USA Today and former Skins RB Clinton Portis. This is an hour and 20 minutes of pure football packed tighter than a women’s restroom at a Van Halen concert!

Come get it by subscribing at www.czabe.com/premium

How Long Can The Brew City Mojo Last?

Drew Olson has seen plenty of awful baseball in his day, so this incredible run by the Brewers is something to relish. Can the Brew Crew take down mighty Los Angeles and ace Clayton Kershaw? How come MLB Network booted so many facts in the previous serious about the Brewers? Bad umps. Weird ways to drink beer. I compare Alex Smith and Kirk Cousins at the quarter-pole, and Antonio Brown should be suspended if he really did chuck an ottoman off a 14th floor balcony.

Jason Garrett’s Longest Yard

The Cowboys are still sticking with Jerrah’s red-headed step-son, despite the fact he has the courage index of the cowardly lion in the Wizard of Oz. Fourth and 1 in OT? At the +42? PUNT! Loser. My boy Cowboy Mike breaks down exactly why Jerrah puts up with this chump. We also have Notorious J-A-Y to give his Steelers some begrudging credit for saving their season, while also getting hot and heavy for the upcoming Mixtape Tour featuring 80’s acts like NKOTB, Debbie Gibson, and Naughty By Nature. All of that, plus Mike DeCourcy says the LeBron James documentary deserves an “F.”

Drew Brees Romps To Record vs. Hapless Skins

What a disgrace. Not Drew Brees. He’s a stud. I can’t hate him. Look at that family. Look at all the yards! Nah, not mad about it. Was gonna happen. But my god, the Redskins laid a complete turd, again on Monday Night Football. It’s what we do. Special Guest: “Late Night” Andy Pollin on just how bad this game was, and what it means for this season and Jay Gruden’s future.

Khabib Shows Conor Some Real Russian Crazy

Don’t let anybody try to sell you on the notion that the MMA mayhem between Conor and Khabib is somehow BAD for the sport. You don’t get people like me talking about the sport, when a clean match is ended with respectful handshakes.

1. MMA Mayhem
2. Cure for “Hot Balls”
3. Packers Shitshow in Detroit
4. Big Mac, Hot Seat
5. Mason Crosby’s Awful No Good Day
6. Giants-Panthers Wild Game
7. Odell Beckham Jr. Is A Child
8. Oddball Interview with Lil’ Wayne?
9. Another Week, More Crap Calls
10. Kareem Hunt Not Flagged, Fined
11. More NFL Week 5 Scores/Notes
12. Pinktober Turns to Everythingslusivity!
13. Brewers Finish Off Rockies!
14. David Price Stinks
15. College Upsets & Dicker the Kicker

Football Five Ways Friday – Week 5

Another jam packed ALL FOOTBALL premium episode! This week, we have Mr. X dealing out his Play of the Week on “Your Are Looking Live” following a scorching 10-2-1 effort in Week 4. But hey, yours truly, is no slouch. I’m 4-0 on my locks, and I have this week WIRED too! Come get it! Of course, Paul Charchian has fantasy advice, we talk to Ben Austro from Football Zebras, also Bill Bender from Sporting News to talk college. If you want this meaty all-football goodness every Friday, it’s just $5 a month, or $1.25 a week. A fucking CANDY BAR you tightwads! Let’s go!

Picking Through The Ryder Cup Wreckage

A double guest special episode today! First, we have Notorious J-A-Y reclaiming some minutes to talk about his Steelers and Le’Veon Bell. Also, Pat Mahomes and the art of “pumping your brakes!” Then we have the Golf Nerds assemble to lay waste to the USA team in the Ryder Cup. More free show than I should give away.. but.. here it is! Enjoy!

NOTORIOUS J-A-Y
Steelers Dysfunction
Long Run of Success
Pump Your Breaks
LeBron Lakers
FTG

The Golf Nerds
Ryder Cup Recap
What Didn’t I See
Mickelson Blame
Tiger Zombie
Task Force Blowback
Low Energy Players
Leave the Girls Home
Moliwood Pairing
Euros in America
Le Golf Nationale
Massive Grandstands
Where da Shot Tracer?
How Many Captain Picks?

Fake Academic Nonsense Papers

Alex Rodriguez Was A Disaster on Wild Card Game

“He dominated the broadcast to the point you had to wonder at times if his co-analyst, Jessica Mendoza, was still in the booth. No matter who is on a baseball broadcast with him, Rodriguez is always going to be the dominant personality. That’s who he is.”

  1. How A-Rod Whiffed in His ESPN Wildcard Showcase
  2. Randy Edsall Has “1st Half Lead” Bonuses
  3. All The College Coaching Salaries
  4. Parent Brawl in Pee-Wee Football Handshake Line
  5. These People Are Rich, Very Rich
  6. Four Day Workweek Made Permanent? “No Downside”
  7. In Mexico, Sharing Memes Might Soon Land You In Jail
  8. Pretty Sure A Crucifix Attack Means You Are Going to Hell
  9. Jemele Hill Turns Trump Hate Into New Career
  10. Roseanne Show, Minus Roseanne? Awkward.

Memo To Owners: Most of Us Are Not Degenerates

Ted Leonsis lays out his vision for a micro-wagering future on all sports, especially his own two teams in his own arena. But are there really that many fans and fanatics just dying to wager on whether or not LeBron James misses his next free throw?

Special Guest: Drew Olson – The Big 920 – Milwaukee, WI
Leff’s Luckytown
Milwaukee Bars
POFFs
Champagne Celebrations
Cubs or Rockies?
Little Bro Syndrome
Schedule Help/Roof
Rockies Ace
Yelich Trade
Worst Baseball Trades Ever
Old Hoss Radbourn/Capt. Andrew Luck
Cash for Humiliation?
Craig Counsell’s Humble Beginnings
Bench vs. “Position Group”
Locker-room Neighbors
The “Latin Corner”
Listener Complaint
Mr. X and My Picks On Fire!
Mahomes Magic
Mahomes Comps?
MNF Booth
Most Carries by RB/Game
STAT OF THE DAY
Brooks v. DJ Fight
Pissed It Wasn’t Close
Small Sample Size
F*** That Guy!

Take Fake Dump, Make Real Money

What a country! Isiah Crowell, who once famously re-tweeted a vile artist rendering of a police officer having his throat slit, decided to wipe his butthole with the football after a touchdown on national TV. Instead of being cut as an idiot whom you can’t trust with a gameplan, he suffered a $13,000 fine from the league, offset by an endorsement opportunity from Dude Wipes. What a country!

  1. Isiah Crowell Finds Green, After Wiping Away The Browns
  2. Steelers Management Should Take the Blame for Botched Bell Deal
  3. Kyrie Irving Comes Clean: Columbus Was Right
  4. Creepy Old Man Tries to Buy 8 Year Old, At Walmart. Florida, natch.
  5. You Will Laugh At This… Then Hate Yourself. Then Hit “Play Again”
  6. University Bans Clapping: Please Use Jazz Hands Instead
  7. Deer Runs As Lead Blocker on 90 Yard HS Touchdown
  8. Mavericks Know How To Fly First Class
  9. NFL Might Be Splitting With DirecTV on Sunday Ticket
  10. Mike Leach Lecture Series 101: “Run/Pass Balance is Bullshit”

Is It Dez Bryant Time For the Redskins?

With the NFC East looking very “gettable” at the quarter-pole, and with practically zero outside WR production, should the Skins go after free agent Dez Bryant? Andy Pollin says he’s at least “reading the brochure” if not yet fully on board. What do I say? You’ll have to hit play, to find out! Patrick Reed is a little whiny bitch. Brewers win the NL Central in Game 163. Unanswered questions and conspiracy theories about one year later, following Las Vegas shooting.