Michael Jordan May Be Re-Married, With Twins, But Don’t Thing He’s Changed

So you are like NEVER going to guess… but Michael Jordan is still a raging dick!

I know, weird right?

Skip Oliva writing for Reason.com walks you through an elaborate celebrity concept of “unauthorized congratulatory marketing” involving a Chicago area supermarket.

In 2009, Michael Jordan’s entry into the Naismith Memorial Basketball Hall of Fame was marred by a “petty and punitive” speech focused more on settling old scores than celebrating his legendary career. As Yahoo Sports columnist Adrian Wojnarowski wrote at the time: “This wasn’t a Hall of Fame induction speech but a bully tripping nerds with lunch trays in the school cafeteria.”

As it turned out, the former Chicago Bulls star was only getting started. More than four years later, Jordan’s indignation at the nerve of people trying to celebrate him is still playing out, only now the battle is taking place through the federal courts. At the heart of the matter is the U.S. Supreme Court’s infamous “commercial speech doctrine.” Interpreting this doctrine, the 7th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals recently concluded that the First Amendment is no defense when a highly marketable celebrity like Jordan is angry with you.

The funny thing is this: someday not too long from now, even Jordan’s legendary star will dim, to the point that he may someday beg for a Quik-E-Mart to slap his face on a slushy cup. As great as he was, every sports legend falls back to being somewhat ordinary with age. And Jordan won’t be any different.

But hey, enjoy that lawsuit! Sounds like a totally good idea to me, and a point really worth making at the cost of millions in legal fees.