In this day and age, it’s damn near impossible to get a stranger to sit and watch a 9 minute YouTube video on the promise of “no, really, this is GOOD… just give it a chance!”
But I am going to give it a shot.
Hell, if there’s no other selling point, then just look at the view totals: 6 MILLION and counting! I know there are legions upon legions of Star Wars nerds out there, so perhaps 6 million views isn’t say much. (Note: I am not one, although I don’t look down upon anyone that is full-blown Star Nerd. I am what you could call an “enthusiast” of the series.)
Still, it’s a must watch for two reasons: 1) The dude who wrote it/voiced it, has exactly my kind of withering sarcasm and humor. Exceptionally well played. 2) He chronicles EXACTLY how and why the Star Wars pre-quels sucked so bad.
On the one hand, George Lucas is a genius because he came up with the whole Star Wars concept in the first place, and did pioneering work in both special effects and in the story itself to make it worth a staggering $4 billion when he sold it to Disney.
On the other hand, what a complete douchebag he was to think that Episodes I, II, and III were anything less than a steaming pile of shit in front of a computer green screen.
I found myself actually watching ALL of the Phantom Menace review in one sitting. An astounding 1 hour 9 minutes – ON YOUTUBE! Now that’s saying something.
And not to spoil anything, but somewhere along the way in that hour-plus, there’s actual footage of Lucas and his team of yes-men and boot-lickers watching a screening of the Shit-tastic Phantom Menace in his private theater.
When the lights come up, Lucas nervously talks about some elements of the movie that he’s maybe not quite sure of, and you’ll never guess: nobody speaks up to say: “You know George, this SUCKS. We need a better fucking SCRIPT! Forget digitally animating a 5,000 unit clone army, and give us somebody in this thing to fucking ROOT FOR!”
Nope. The yes-men and boot-lickers are clearly aware that Lucas had become a vengeful billionaire dickhead after he sold a trillion Boba Fett dolls, and that there’s no way he actually wanted sensible creative input on these films.
So it’s better to be on the inside of Lucas’ tent pissing out, than on the outside, pissing in. And that kids, is how you end up with half of the existing Star Wars series as completely un-watchable.
So I’ve got high hopes for “The Force Awakens.” J.J. Abrams is a stud, and it looks like there’s an actual STORY attached to this installment. Will I camp out? No chance. But if it’s good, I’ll come back to see-it in 3D one more time.
May the force be with all of us. And thank god Lucas was told to “beat it” when he wanted to “consult” on this new installment.