Donald Sterling’s Col. Jessup Moment


If you were Shelly Sterling’s attorneys you had to be fist pumping under the counsel table when the cantankerous old man finally broke on the stand this week.

Donald Sterling denounced his wife, her lawyers and the NBA from the witness stand Wednesday, saying he would never sell the Los Angeles Clippers and vowing a lifetime of lawsuits against the league.

“Make no mistake today,” Sterling shouted toward the end of his second day of testimony in the trial to determine his wife’s right to make a $2 billion deal to sell the Clippers, “I will never, ever sell this team and until I die I will be suing the NBA for this terrible violation under antitrust.”

He was followed to the stand by wife Shelly, who tried to approach him in the front row of the courtroom after she was done for the day.

“Get away from me, you pig!” Sterling shouted.

The judge then admonished him to make no further comments

Boom. Roasted.

If you were looking for a “no further questions” moment to prove Sterling is “Full Mashugana” then this is it.

A real Col. Nathan Jessup moment.

Only he didn’t quite deliver the rant the way I wished. Here’s how it should have come down…

Kaffee: Mr. Sterling, did you authorize Shelly Sterling to sell the Clippers?
Judge: You don’t have to answer that question!
Jessup: I’ll answer the question. You want answers?
Kaffee: I think I’m entitled!
Jessup: You want answers?!
Kaffee: I want the truth!
Jessup: You can’t handle the truth! Son, we live in a world that has baskets…. 10 feet high… and those baskets have to be guarded by large black men with muscles. Who’s gonna do it? You? You, Lieutenant Weinberg? I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for Magic Johnson and you curse the Collective Bargaining Agreement. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know, that skanks like V. Stiviano, while tragic, keep this league going. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, pays the bills! You don’t want the truth, because deep down in places you don’t talk about at parties, you want me owning a team. You need me owning a team. We use words like “stretch 4″, “mid-level exception”, and “score the basketball”. We use these words as the backbone of a life spent making kids from the projects multi-millionaires. You use them as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very highlight reel of dunks that I provide, and then questions the manner in which I provide it! I would rather you just said “thank you”, and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a basketball, and jack up a three. Either way, I don’t give a damn what you think you are entitled to!
Kaffee: Did you order Shelly to sell the Clippers!
Jessup: I did the job that—-
Kaffee: Did you order Shelly to sell the team?!!
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Steve Czaban is a 25 year sports radio veteran, who hosts an afternoon drive show in Washington D.C. "Czabe" also writes and edits his own commentaries for and other on-line and print publications. He can be reached at



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