God, Beer and Money…. And Maybe Not In That Order

Since everybody is killing Cam Newton today, let me take the “beatin’ stick” to the other guy. Mr. Perfect.

Fairytale endings, are never brought to you by beer companies.

In a moment where Peyton Manning could have offered an organic, genuine moment of appreciation for a team that carried his crippled ass to a championship, instead he made sure to fluff every sponsor he had. The shot of him slugging Gatorade pre-game? Ding. The repeated Bud references? Ding and ding. The mafia-style kiss to the king of pizza? Absurd.

But all of that was apparently very important to Mr. “Aw Shucks” Huck Finn quarterback. What a phony.

He’s an already insanely wealthy quarterback, owner of multiple pizza joints and beer distributors, a man with a future multi-million dollar TV job just waiting for him… and yet…. he felt the urge to move more product.

Really? To quote Jerry Maguire: “Rod, that stuff is not what MOVES people!”=Pyh

I’m now seeing the full Peyton Manning, that I was blinded to before. He’s a guy who knows he has built a nearly untouchable reputation with national sports media at the highest level, and he’s more than willing to use it as a bulldozer to run over people.

The small potatoes incidents along the way, that I didn’t think much about at the time, now fit into a pattern that is becoming rather obvious to my eyes.

– The “prank” gone wrong with the athletic trainer at Tennessee, which resulted in a $300,000 settlement by the University. Worse yet, Manning couldn’t just let it go, he ended up having to pay the woman himself in a defamation settlement after he slammed her in a book.

– The “liquored up kicker” swipe at Mike Vanderjagt
– The throwing his o-line under the bus after a playoff loss…
– Publicly blasting a scoreboard operator, instead of providing private feedback

Now there’s the Al Jazeera HGH report, and for a guy who insists it’s all a bunch of non-sense and made up hooey from a low-level guy he calls a “slapstick.” But lest such a nobody be believed, he makes sure to send two black-coated private investigators to Sly’s parents house, un-announced, and un-inivited?

Feel the iron tracks of the Manning Bulldozer, “slapstick!” That’s who Manning sure looks like.

The HGH story is not dead yet, because we already have Manning far too close to a “moral crime” in sports: doping. He’s already admitted that his wife – who can’t be forced to testify against him, by law – received shipments from the Guyer Institute. But he adamantly won’t say what, or why.

Unless Manning does come out, and sacrifices a little bit of Ashley’s medical privacy to put himself in the clear, the only logical, time-tested, all-the-others-who-claimed-innocense-said-the-same-thing conclusion is simple. He got HGH under his wife’s name, and he took it, knowing that a) The NFL didn’t have testing for it at the time and b)) His wife was the perfect, untouchable mule.

If you read this story by CBS Boston, you’ll quickly realize that Charlie Sly’s sudden recantation of his claims, is simply not believable. It would require you to accept that a “slapstick” orchestrated a complicated, months long ruse, which involved multiple people. Nah, the retraction was either under threat of the bulldozer, or perhaps an under the table payment.

All of which doesn’t mean I “hate” Manning, or that I want to brand him with the “Scarlet C” of cheater. I just don’t like the guy very much anymore. And I used to be such a huge Manning fanboy, that at one time I bet I WOULD HAVE taken the fall for HGH shipments for him, if he had asked.

And yeah, HGH as a recovery drug in the NFL, should absolutely be legalized, monitored closely, and allowed for our gridiron gladiators to get back on the field with their broken bodies, as soon as possible. But that’s a discussion for another day.

It’s the bullying, it’s the shameless greed, it’s the arrogance that has left me cold on this guy.

Good for you, Peyton. You got dragged to a title like it was “Weekend at Bernies.” Now go sell some beer and pizza, and see how much the Los Angeles Rams are willing to overpay you for one more crappy season.

Once upon a time, I thought this SNL spoof was the funniest thing ever – because the joke was “hey, what IF Peyton Manning was a giant asshole?”

Now, I think it was perhaps the easiest role he’s ever played.