Goodell Today, Goodell Tomorrow, Goodell Forever

Nov 9, 2014; London, UNITED KINGDOM; NFL commissioner Roger Goodell (left) and Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones before the game against the Jacksonville Jaguars in the NFL International Series game at Wembley Stadium. Mandatory Credit: Kirby Lee-USA TODAY Sports

Something is just not adding up on this Roger Goodell contract extension thing. Either that, or I’m as bad at “big picture math” as I am at.. well… REAL math. (Awful).

Goodell is asking for $50M a year in his extension, along with free airplane rides for life, and doctor visits for himself and Jane for life, as they grow old and gray and saggy together.


Any big contract for a coach, or executive, includes “throw ins” that make you look greedy, but really don’t cost the employer much – if anything. Sure, Goodell can afford his own fucking plane, and all the boob jobs and penis enlargements he likes for his family (along with you know, actual health care) on a $50M salary. That’s not the point. Sure, I can afford it, but you can too. So… gimme.

I’m just looking at the outrageous $50M price tag. Why? How? Explain?

Not only is that way out of line with what other sports commissioners make (Adam Silver is reportedly paid between $8 million and $11 million, for example), but very few ACTUAL CEOS make as much as $50M in annual salary.

Now… a caveat: those other CEOs have stock options and such, which push them well into that Goodellian range. But the NFL is not a publicly traded company, so they can’t give Goodell stock options even if they wanted to. (He’d probably eat them anyway, he’s so stupid).

Therein lies my point: why pay Goodell like he’s the head of an actual COMPANY, when he’s not! He’s just AN ADMINISTRATOR! He adds very little value to the league as a whole, and actually serves as a net-minus to the brand’s likability because every fan hates his guts. Every one.

Furthermore, nobody is coming after Goodell in the business world to turn around their company. Have you seen any headlines lately like: “Nokia Eyes Goodell To Boost Sagging Cell Phone Division?”

Fuck… and… no.

So who are the NFL owners bidding AGAINST for this buffoon? And what happened to the stingiest league ever, when it comes to money? Have you ever read one of the league’s proposals to a possible SuperBowl host city? The phrase “at no cost to the league” comes up more often than “amen” at Sunday service.

This is the league where the owner of the Giants mused that cameras placed in the endzone pylons might be too expensive. Yeah, he really said that.

So why throw away $40M annually on a commissioner? You could get a competent CEO – with actual business experience, acumen, and some higher degrees than just Goodell’s econ major from Washington and Jefferson College – to do a better job, for $10M a year.

They could get this guy or gal, tomorrow.

So why? Why, Goodell? Why Goodell today, Goodell tomorrow, Goodell forever?

As Jerry Jones pointed out this week, there’s no RUSH on this contract extension. The old one isn’t up for 18 months!

I don’t buy the argument that Goodell is the perfect human shield, to keep fans’ ire away from the owners. For one, plenty of fans hate their owners anyway. For another, this is not Vince McMahon and pro wrestling.

The NFL doesn’t need a “heel” at the top of the org chart to loathe. Goodell himself, his existence, his incompetence, and surely by now his outrageous salary, serve as a significant drag on The Shield’s brand.

If you don’t think some fans are watching less NFL, or taking an extended break in part because of Goodell, you are wrong. I talk to these fans everyday, I get amazingly detailed emails explaining the how and the why of it all.

But now the NFL’s Compensation Committee presses ahead, even under the threat of Jerry’s never-gonna-happen-lawsuit, to shovel this guy another $200 million mountain….. (“uh… don’t forget the plane!”)

I don’t get it.

My only rational theory, and it’s a far fetched one, but it’s all I got… is that Goodell has something on the NFL owners. Something, really, really bad. Possible collusion. Fraud. Racketeering? I don’t know. It just seems like the owners want Roger Stokoe Goodell INSIDE the tent, pissing out, then suddenly OUTSIDE the tent, pissing in.



  1. THIS is a freaking great take. It amazes me how his absolute incompetence gets him further (same for Skipper at ESPN)
    His salary is so out of whack with reality- makes no sense at all.
    The only thing you can think of with the rush to extend him and overpay is that he knows something that the owners are scared of getting out. But that’s even far fetched. It’s baffling.

  2. Your theory is certainly plausible, but I think the salary floor was set when Roger became commissioner in 2006, and the incremental raises are based on growing league revenues. In 2016 the NBA’s revenue was reportedly $8B, NFL’s was $13B, so in theory Roger should be only making roughly 60% more than the bald peen hammer if all other things were equal. I just wonder if Roger counts his money while under his desk.

  3. I agree with everything that your wrote. I still wonder what was on those tapes that he destroyed from the Patriots. Why were they destroyed so quickly? Why couldn’t anyone see them? Was there something bigger going on league wide? Did the tapes show something so bad that the gambling world would have deemed the NFL a non legitimate entity to bet on and thus destroying a huge viewing source for the league? If so, he can command whatever he wants and the owners have to suck it.

  4. Can’t deny your theories are plausible which makes for fun water cooler chats with buddies… I think it’s simply a result of him being “instrumental” in the last CBA and they’d like him to do his magic on the next one…. On some level, he can quantify how much $$$ he made/saved his bosses and thus worth the outrageous compensation.

  5. Czabe, I’ve always wondered where the narrative of “the reason the owners keep Goodell is because he has made them a ton of money.” It’s true that they’ve made a lot of money but I’m not convinced Goodell has done anything special that anyone else with the qualifications you mentioned in your article couldn’t do.

  6. I think the owners 1) like having Goodell be their crash test dummy; 2) hate that Jerrah has so much power; and 3) don’t want another commissioner who would be truly effective (like Rozell).

    They think that this recent decline in viewership and rash of half-empty stadiums is just a temporary blip, and that it has nothing to do with that ginger-haired potted plant in the main office. They are wrong, and will find out the hard way.

  7. It’s even more nonsensical than that Czabe, to me anyway.

    First an opinion, held by many it seems…..this guy is buffoon and apparently a bully too. Senator’s son given this job who is just dumb enough to think he’s earned it, is a true leader of men and is alone responsible for the increase in league revenues referenced above.

    I’m not even gonna throw declining viewership and the anthem stuff at his feet….the guy is just the spokesape Czabe et al have felt he was.

    My point is you could get a qualified administrator and leader for this league for basically NOTHING! If you told most accomplished people you can be Commish (with massive staff including useless Dean Blandino)…..and we provide travel to the game of your choice, draft, league meetings and press conferences…..and your salary is $1 (maybe provide that health insurance Rog wants in case Jerry attacks at a competition meeting) a year they’d take it. The people and athletes you’d meet alone would be worth it. If you are in to TV exposure you get that too.

    I’m not into conspiracies. I just think the vain owners feel that have to pay this ridiculous sum to this clown to prove they have the best….as befits the best pro league.

  8. Sorry….but you lost me at “this is not Vince McMahon and pro wrestling.” Yes, yes it is. 80% of it is highly manipulated on a weekly basis. Save for the Browns….they’re too hopeless to assist. Unless of course you believe all of those one-possession games point to the “parity” of the league. Sure….

  9. I’ve been turning this over in my head for a while and I can’t come up with anything that withstands actual analysis.
    The owners silly billionaires that don’t know any better? Well, this isn’t the old inherited NFL. Arthur Blank, at the head of this compensation debacle founded and ran Home Depot and has only owned the team for about 15 years. Ditto Robert Kraft. And Jerrah. A lot of these guys are self made and know how to run a business and more importantly, how to hire guys to make decisions at those businesses.
    They like having him be the face and pull the strings behind the scene? Again, they could do that much cheaper. And the NFL is a bunch of penny pinchers… would rather cheat the cheerleaders out of pay and then fight it in court instead of paying them simple minimum wage? Yikes.
    Goodell knows where the bodies are buried? That maybe explains why Kraft rolled over after spy gate et. al. … but why is Jerry not afraid? He’s been around longer than Kraft and Blank, surely he’s in just as deep as anyone else.

    Nothing about the NFL makes a lot of sense when you look too closely at it… which none of the big media covering the league will do.
    Playing a shorter overtime is for player safety? But playing a full game on Thursday with only 3 days rest and practice is fine?
    They have a problem with players protesting the national anthem? Tell ALL the players to stay in the locker room until its over. The problem is they took money to broadcast it… greed again.
    Colin Kaepernick is being black balled? How may try outs did Ray Rice get? Did anyone care?

    The problem with ratings is everything…. rules, replay, games on Monday, Thursday and Sunday (and Christmas and Thanksgiving), not enough QBs, too many felons, and on and on. You lose a half a percent of viewers for each and it starts to add up… And it all happened under Goodell’s watch.

  10. 𝗠𝗘𝗠𝗢

    To: Steve Czaban

    From: Marcellus Wallace

    RE Goodell Today, Goodell Tomorrow, Goodell Forever 

    I’ma tell you S.C.: I’ma call a coupla hard, pipe-hittin’ NFL executives to review the disgraceful USA TODAY NFL Player Arrests Database. Commissioner-Warden Roger Goodell is in office for every single one of these arrests. These felons and degenerates are a total disgrace. Such as the Denver Broncos.


    The criminal behavior for the Broncos in this Database includes:

    * Will Parks [3/31/17]: Accused of harassment and non-physical
    domestic violence in incident involving his former girlfriend.
    * Cody Latimer [5/30/16]: Latimer called police and alleged his
    girlfriend hit him. Police found outstanding traffic warrant from 2015
    and arrested him for that.
    * Shiloh Keo [2/13/16]: Pleaded guilty to misdemeanor drunken driving,
    one year probation, community service, fined nearly $1,000.
    * T.J. Ward [5/22/14]: Accused of throwing a glass at a female
    bartender after being told he couldn’t buy at the strip club.
    * Von Miller [9/5/13]: Pulled over for speeding in Arapahoe County,
    Colo., accused of driving with a suspended license. Second traffic
    issue in six weeks.
    * Quinton Saulsberry [5/19/13]: Pulled over after 2 a.m., accused of
    drunken driving and lane violation in Arapahoe County, Colo.
    * Quinton Carter [3/9/13]: Accused of felony cheating at craps in
    North Las Vegas casino. He allegedly placed $5 chips on table after
    dice rolled.
    * Elvis Dumervil [7/14/12]: Accused of aggravated assault with a
    firearm in Miami after allegedly lifting his shirt to show a gun to a
    * Knowshon Moreno [12/2/01]: Charged with drunken driving after being
    pulled over for speeding. License plate reportedly was “SAUCED.”

    What now, Broncos? Let me tell you what now. I’ma get
    medieval on your asses. You see, this profession is filled to the brim with unrealistic motherfuckers. Motherfuckers who thought their ass would age like wine. If you mean it turns to vinegar, it does. If you mean it gets better with age, it don’t.


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