The Rowboat Test

Well now, isn’t this story a steaming hot bag of nonsense?

So let’s get this straight: a beauty queen contestant who is a Size 4, is now a champion for women who complain about unattainable body types pushed in the media and pop culture?

Geezus, look at the AVERAGE sized woman in Fat-murica! 5-3 and a size 12 to 14!

Losing weight and keeping it off is hard, and un-fun. Everything yummy, is almost universally crap – and easily available. Believe me, I know! I’m trying to wean myself of that stuff now. And I doubt I would have had any of the modest success so far, if not for being desperate to control my f’ing lyme disease.

But it just kills me when I see how dysfunctional women are when it comes to weight.

For example, NOTICE how they graphic made sure to NOT show Miss Indiana’s WEIGHT nor the average weight of your average 5-3 American woman?

Why not?

Like Bill Parcells said in the NFL: “You are what your record says you are…” you are what you weigh. Period.

Oh, I know: Body fat vs. Muscle is more important. But weight is weight. Just f’ing list it. It’s why most college basketball programs do NOT list weight for their female athletes, nor does other professional sports leagues involving women.

Only women’s boxing or MMA have I dared to see a weight stat listed.

For the record, Miss Indiana is LEAN and MEAN, and downright hot. She’s supposed to be. She’s also young. Most of us were skinnier when we were young.

She’s not some inspiration for women to have another bag of Cheeto’s and then rationalize about that one “curvy” woman they saw on Miss USA.

Be honest with yourselves, gals. Eat better. Lose weight, or be fat. Or plump. Or mushy. Or whatever you choose to be. There are lots of guys who actually don’t care that much.

Or, use the Michael Scott “Rowboat Test” from “The Office.”

Phyllis: Michael?
Michael Scott: What.
Phyllis: I have a friend who’s single.
Michael Scott: Oh.
Phyllis: Sandy. She gorgeous and she’s got a feisty personality too.
Michael Scott: Hmmm feisty. So she’s not jolly or sassy? Not like a jolly, sassy opera singer?
Phyllis: Mm no she’s a professional softball player.
Michael Scott: Ewwooh… Catcher or in-field?
Phyllis: I donno Michael.
Michael Scott: Is she a dress wearer or a pants wearer? Could we share a rowboat? Could- could a rowboat support her?
Phyllis: What are you asking?
Michael Scott: I think I’m being very clear, what I’m asking. Would an average size rowboat support her without capsizing? [long pause] It bothers me that you’re not answering the question.
Phyllis: No. Alright? No she can’t fit on a rowboat.
Michael Scott: Yes! I knew it. I knew it! Phyllis, okay.