The Daily Czabe

Daily Czabe: For Once, Roasted Penguin…. Is Served!

This lovely photoshop is probably made by a Penguin fan, just to remind us Caps fans that we are merely at the halfway point of the long slog to ultimately hoisting Lord Stanley above our heads in June. And that the Penguins franchise has done that FIVE TIMES already!

Still I find it gently amusing, and not even that insulting really, since Pittsburgh has indeed been our “El Guapo.” While I hope the team would never hoist such a banner in real life in our actual building (“That Time We Beat Pittsburgh… Once” – 2018) I don’t mind the “virtual” banner raising in our minds. It was such sweet, sweet relief.

Now whenever you want a smile or a pick-me-up as a Caps fan, you can just re-watch the game winner from slippery Evgeny Kuznetsov from every single camera angle NBCSN had last night. Soak it up, and enjoy!

Kuzy Game Winner vs. Pens From Every TV Angle Under The Sun

Big Ben? More Like Big Baby…. AMIRITE?

Parents Fake Kids Cancer So He Can Meet…. The Syracuse Football Team? What?

Illinois Sez: Keep Pot Illegal, Or We’re Gonna Kill All These Spectacular Police Dogs

I Told You People: “Fancy Sweats” Are the Greatest Fashion Trend in My Lifetime!

John Skipper’s Cocaine Use, Horrible TV Programming Decisions Still In Demand

“The Mountain” From Game of Thrones Makes it Official: He IS The World’s Strongest Man!

Red Sox Radical New Plate Approach: Swing More

Do New Golf Balls and Titanium Drivers Hit The Ball Farther? Uh, Yeah. Duh.

Neighborhood Bald Eagle Snacks on Dead Goose: No Biggie

Daily Czabe: LeBron James Is A Human Cheat Code

Last week in the CzabeCast, I explained that even though the debate between LeBron and Jordan is getting more narrow all the time, the adoration of Jordan over LeBron by my generation is a gap that will never be closed. But so far in these playoffs, LeBron James is wiping out teams like a one-man tsumani of stats and buzzerbeaters, that even old farts like me who have never had a “taste” for LeBron and his millenial style are being converted. In the House of James, I too, have become a witness. The running off-handed high-kiss of death that sent LeBronto into a 3-0 pit of misery (“Dilly, dilly!”) was made possible in part by ghastly coaching (really, Dwayne Casey, there was NOBODY else you would have rather shot that ball?) and also by a wet-behind-the-ears Cameroonian kid Pascal Siakam inexplicably running away from an easy double-team on James in the corner, a good 90 feet from the basket.

Still, LeBron hit the shot. Again. When it comes time to hit the damn shot…. he hits it. C-L-U-T-C-H.

Here are some of the best stats and takes from Saturday night.

The tweet about LeBron being like Tiger 2000 hits home for me, and it is why I will try to split hairs just a bit on the LeBron v. Jordan debate. I can now say without any hesitation: “LeBron James is the BEST basketball player of ALL TIME.” While ALSO holding firm that “Michael Jordan was the GREATEST player in HISTORY.”

Just like I think Tiger Woods is the best golfer to ever play the game, I still hold Nicklaus as the “greatest” player in golf history.

To me, “greatness” is a slightly different cut of meat than just being “the best.” It includes a bunch of intangibles that help a player lift his teammates, will his team to victories, maintain an edge of excellence, and otherwise carry himself with that unmistakeable “air of greatness.” LeBron with his juvenile early years (the handshake skipping, fake-coughing, miserable-life quote, The Decision, bumping Spolstra, being a front-runner, etc. etc.) weigh down his “greatness” factor. Just like Tiger’s asshole persona, lack of sportsmanship in a gentleman’s game, probable steroid usage, and disastrous tabloid scandal, keep him from ever planting his flag atop Mt. Nicklaus when it comes to true “greatness” in the game.

But oh, fuck yeah. Tiger was better. Hell yeah. Just like LeBron is better than Jordan. No doubt in my mind.

Daily Links
Meet “The Other Cavaliers” – SNL Skit

Orlando Franklin Suddenly Retires to Concentrate on Dad Things

This Is Not A Drill! The Celtics Have SIX! First Round Picks in 2018 & 2019 Combined!

Mike Franscesa, Noted Horse Racing “Expert” Wanted “No Part” of Justify On Friday

Mike McCarthy Keeps Spouting QB Nonsense From His Blowhole

Don Koharski and the “Have Another Donut” Tirade Turns 30

Technically, Licking Your Opponent – While Frowned Upon – Is Not Illegal

Bullpen Cart Sees It’s First Action Of The Season! Huzzah, Huzzah!

High School Girls Soccer Player Sues District Over Beer Party Supension

Boy Did Johnny Depp Sure Knew How To Blow Through A Mountain of Money, Or What?

Steve Martin: I Bought A Fur Sink, Electric Dog Polisher…. And Some Dumb Stuff Too

 

 

 

Daily Czabe: The Most Elegant Argument Against Replay Yet

While I have been banging the drum to kill this satan’s child of technology that has been RUINING sports for all of us out here who watch these games for enjoyment only, and not some sense of perverse desire for perfection, this is the most well articulated argument I’ve read to date. Albert Burnenko writes that the delicious syrup of sporting excitement that we have lapped up for years, has been converted into bitter tasting and toxic motor oil. Even if every replay in every sport was rendered in 10 seconds or less (fantasy) and even if every single one of them was adjudicated perfectly and with no remaining dissent amongst those who saw it (impossible) replay would STILL be a terrible idea because of what Burnenko correctly identifies: the actual play isn’t worthing cheering for, save it for the appeal.

“So now the thing that happens is, a quarterback makes a daring pass, a receiver leaps high for a spectacular, heroic, superhuman catch in the end zone, and … everybody sits around bickering for five minutes while the referees determine whether what you just saw actually happened or not. The thing you root for is not for your team to do something amazing and good, but for the referees to grant that something amazing and good happened, and you cheer or groan when that happens. The actual sports feat, the football, no longer is allowed to be the substance of the football game.”

Get Rid of Video Review

ESPN Executive: “We Didn’t Do Our Due Diligence on SC6”

Eric Reid’s Collusion Case vs. NFL Is A Longshot, But Winnable

Ernie Grunfeld Is The GM Disaster Ted Leonsis Refuses To Acknowledge

Browns Hoping Baker Mayfield Ends Their 0-29 Streak on Picking a QB

No Pressure, No Diamonds, No More Trademarks. The RG3 Brand Is DEAD.

Oh, MORE Charissa Thompson? I Approve!

GW Students Want to Change Name from Colonials (Racist!) to Hippos

When Birds Attack II: Wild Turkey Chases Golf Cart, Wins

Holy Shit Look How Close This Jumbo Jet Came to Landing on 4 Planes!

 

Daily Czabe: The NFL Now Has A Cheerleader Problem, Too

We’re coming up on two full years this August since Colin Kaepernick first took a knee during the Niners national anthem ceremony. (Well, actually, he started by just sitting down.) Who would have guessed that the NFL would still not have any good “exit strategy” to a story that has not been as financially disastrous as some would insist, but remains a nagging burr in the league’s ass?

This week, safety Eric Reid jumped in the collusion pool, filing a grievance against the NFL for collusion. He might have a pretty good case. At just 26, and without the system and leadership components that are a tricky fit for a QB, he should have been signed by now. But is it collusion, if it’s simply that no owner wants the headache? And by headache, I don’t just mean potential future kneeling, I mean the media headache of what signing Reid would bring. Does he need a smoking gun memo from somebody in a front office? Or will circumstantial evidence get it done? I’m not a lawyer, so don’t @ me.

Meanwhile, a new front has opened up when it comes to cheerleaders. And of course, #MeToo has been gasoline on the fire. NFL cheerleaders are treated worse than interns. But there’s a long line of them who want the (crummy) gig. Now the Redskins are accused of some unproven, thinly documented, impossible to DIS-prove things that sure don’t sound or look good, but are not even misdemeanor crimes. And it all happened 5 years ago.

The NY Times story below got 5 cheerleaders on record to tell their side of it. The Redskins vigorously dispute almost every part of it. There is no visual or physical evidence. But as expected, the hot take columns are already flying. The NFL says they will investigate. Good times.

LINKS

Redskins Cheerleaders Recount Topless Photo Shoots, and One Uneasy Night

Tom Wilson Suspended 3 Games: The NHL’s Official Video Explanation

The NFL Kickoff Is In Intensive Care. It’ll Probably Live, But You Will Cry When You See It

This Guy Makes Me Feel Like An Even Bigger Pussy For Not Jumping the 35′ At Ricks’ Cafe!

Anonymous NFL Scouts Second Guess 1st Round Picks

Raptors Head Coach: No Problem With Drake Stirring It Up Courtside

220 Year Old “Shipwreck Beer” About Ready to Be Drunk

Facebook Employee Used Inside Access to Stalk Chicks on Tinder

This Is How Weather Nerds Fight

Girlfriend Dresses Up For Clown Sex, Tries to Stab Boyfriend to Death

Daily Czabe: The Patriots Are A Cult, Not A Football Team

When Tom Brady at this point in his career, having just convinced the owner to ship out his heir apparent so he can play “5 more” years past the age of 40, is still afraid to call a spade a spade and say simply: “It was a mistake not to play our best cornerback in the SuperBowl” then you know that the New England Patriots are more Kool-Aide sipping cult, than normal functioning football team composed of men.

I mean, zoom out after reading this exchange between Brady and Jim Gray and ask yourself if Fred The Hammer Williamson or Lyle Alzado, or Kenny Stabler, or Lawrence Taylor, or would act like such scared pussies when it comes to perhaps calling out the coach for having made an ego-driven blunder that arguably cost everybody another Super Bowl ring?

Gray: “Do you know why he didn’t play?”

Brady: “No, I haven’t gone and discussed those things. Do you know why he didn’t play? Would you like to tell me?”

Gray: “I don’t have the access that you do.”

Brady: “Yeah, well I don’t ask, so…”

While we’re at it, why didn’t Malcolm Butler get into it on the sideline with Matt Patricia or Belichick himself at some point in that game, when the Pats were getting sliced and diced for 500 yards of offense by Nick Foles and Co? What did he have to lose? He was a free agent to be, knew the Pats (certaily at that point) weren’t going to back up the brinks truck and re-sign him.

Speak up for yourself son.

But no, the mystery only deepens, because Belichick has everybody cowed into a corner worried about rocking the boat in the slightest. It’s amazing. Sure, respecting your coach’s decision is one thing. But the game is long over. There wasn’t, and really isn’t, any good reason to bench a healthy 98% snap guy on defense short of something like “we found he had bet $1M on the Eagles just 5 mins prior to kickoff.”

Hell, you gave him a helmet and jersey for the game, soaking up a precious active roster spot for a guy you gave one play. One.

Maybe Belichick capped Odin Lloyd himself then pinned it on Aaron Hernandez because he wasn’t running routes properly. Because that’s the level of insane fear running through the Patriots these days when it comes to crossing Belichick.

You can read a good chunk of the exchange between Jim Gray and Tom Brady below. It’s complete bonkers when you think about it.

DAILY CZABE

Tom Brady Keeps His Head Down And Doesn’t Ask Questions: Even About Malcolm Butler

The Kawhi Leonard Drama With the Spurs Deepens

The Anti-Replay Movement Continues to Grow

Tampa Bay Lightning Are Sick of Seeing Other Team’s Jerseys In Their Lexus Level Seats

“Mr. Irrelevant Says: ‘I’m The Most Relevant Mr. Irrelevant Ever! Look At These Records!”

Tracking What Happened to Everyone Laid Off  In Last Year in ESPN’s Massive Firing

Godfather of Modern Martial Arts Centers Jhoon Rhee Dies: “Nobody Bothers Me!”

Hey golf nerds! Tiger Woods Has New Irons!

Is Dennis Rodman Getting Enough Credit for the Korean Peace Accord?

Go Ask Your Boss For a “Jerk Break” And See What He/She Says

 

Daily Czabe: It’s All About “The Efficacy”… I Suppose

So here’s a good one: the Cleveland Browns liked Sam Darnold as the best QB prospect after watching all of last fall’s college football season. Then, once they got to meet and wine and dine these guys, they changed their mind to favor Baker Mayfield. Why? Well, “efficacy” says the Browns VP of Player Personnel Alonzo Highsmith.

“And he had a trait that some of the good ones have. I call it efficacy. That includes the power to effect other people. I thought that of all the quarterbacks I watched, he stood out far and above the other guys. When he walked into a room, you knew he was there.”

So when it comes to actually PLAYING football vs. how a guy interviews and projects himself, you go with the latter, not the former. Okay, got it. I’m sure on 3rd and 9, in the 4th quarter of a one-score game on the road in Pittsburgh, in a driving rainstorm with a playoff berth on the line, that Baker Mayfield’s “efficacy” will carry the moment. Maybe he’ll just look into the eyes of his teammates in the huddle and say “hee hee” and the magic will happen.

Now look, it’s quite possible that Mayfield ends up being not just better than Sam Darnold by light years, but also the best QB in this draft. But if he’s not, god help the Browns now. They will have taken a guy who snowed them with charm and bullshit when they went to dinner.

The argument against not taking players to dinner to get to “know them” is that if the player you draft ends up murdering somebody execution style in the back of an industrial park, the fanbase is going to scream: “How come you didn’t do your homework!”

The argument in favor of not taking players to dinner to get to “know them” is that just about any asshole can “ace” a dinner in which your agent and media coach has taught you all of the right things to say. And if you are a real charmer, who can draw up a nice tight “Spider-2 Y-Banana” on a cocktail napkin, then a front office might just fall in love with you and abandon all reason.

I believe NFL teams would fare better in the long run, if they did very little face to face with prospects, and instead just evaluated the tape from college and talked to coaches. Human instincts are notoriously poor when it comes to judging whether somebody is a “good person” or not, in part because the person putting on a facade is usually more skilled at putting on such a fake look because they’ve been doing it for a long time.

Plus, what do you have as a pre-conceived notion about a person/player? Because that matters as well. When a guy comes in who you think is a douchebag – say, Mayfield – and then he charms and impresses you with good manners, respect, and some smart answers… what does that do to you? It makes people melt and think: “Man, I really misjudged this guy!” Then you start to question your own abilities to assess somebody.

When in the end, all you are trying to do is project whether he can play football at the pro level. Yeah, the off the field stuff matters. Sorta. Kinda. But short of violence and drugs, the guys who can play on tape, can do so because they are dedicated to their craft and have put in the hours.

No charming dinner with the coaching staff and scouts, is going to change that.

DAILY CZABE LINKS

Browns Alonzo Highsmith Confirms: It Really Was About Mayfield’s “Hee Hee”

How GM John Dorsey Kept the Mayfield Pick Super Secret Until (Almost) The End

Back When the NFL Draft Drew A Crowd Of…. 700?

NHL Prospect Goalie: “That’s A Bare Hand Save… And A Beauty!”

Dave Roberts Will Not Tolerate Lollygagging

Tom Brady “Pleads the 5th” on Appreciation By Organization

Do You Believe in Parallax? If So, It Might Explain the Penguins No Goal

Kicked Out of Stadium, Turkish Soccer Fan Rents Crane, Hilarity Ensues

Club Pro Guy: “Combating Slow Play With Creative Fairway Stances”

Death By Watermelon

 

Daily Czabe: Forrest Gump Would Make A Great Kim Jong Un Bodyguard

Ya gotta give it to the North Korean strongman, he knows what LOOKS cool, if nothing else. And this looks hella cool. A small dispatch of uniformed bodyguards, whose job is to RUN alongside the car KJU is riding in. As some have said: does Kim Jong not know about “motorcycles?”

Kim Jong-Un Likes His Bodyguards To Run Sub-3 Hour Miles

David Akers Cuts Mega-Heel Promo While Announcing Eagles Pick

Doris Burke Describes Her Longshot Climb From Providence to the NBA

NFL Draft Sets “Record” For Highest Rated and Most Watched Ever

LeBron Got A Lot of Skeevy Calls Sunday, Is A World Class Flopper

Jason Whitlock: Some Made Way Too Much of Lamar Jackson Draft Position

Surfer Rides World Record 80 Foot Wave! EIGHTY!

Get Ready For Fake Video, And Goodbye “Objective Reality”

Suspended Sox Pitcher Heads to Bleachers

Vince Young Botches Complicated Name at Draft: “H-A-R-O-L-D.”

 

Daily Czabe: The Human Shields Were Casualties

So ol’ Roger thought he could pull a fast one last night. Bring up the three most popular Cowboys legends he could, and maybe – just maybe – that would slow down the avalanche of YOU SUCK from what was going to be a mostly Cowboy-fan house at night one of the draft. Like most things, Roger Goodell does: FAIL.

The Human Shields Did Not Work: Goodell Booed Mercilessly at Draft

Phil Mushnick Takes Chainsaw to Mike Franscesa in His WFAN Crawl Back

A Ryder Cup For Ex-Pro Athletes? Brilliant!

Jenny Cavnar Becomes First Woman to Call Major League Baseball Game on TV

The Timberwolves Karl Anthony Towns Cannot Be Trolled

How Fast Does That QB Throw? QB Radar Gun Numbers DO Exist!

A Comprehensive History of Caps Losses to Penguins

Rhonda Rousey Admits Holly Holm Broke Her

Ball Family to Lithuania: “We Out!”

Man From U.N.C.L.E. – Soccer Guy Tattoos Entire Jersey

Man From U.N.C.L.E. 2 – Toldeo Makes Massive Twitter Mistake on Mascot

Daily Czabe: Let’s Stop Hugging The Spokesape, Please

About damn time somebody else said what I’ve been saying for years now: Roger Goodell is NOT your friend. Not today, not tomorrow, never as a player! So don’t act like he’s “your boy” when you bounce up on stage tonite. If the commissioner was a pencil neck lawyer like Tagliabue, you wouldn’t hug him. You’d shake his hand and take a photo. Then move on.

 

Daily Czabe: Meet The Process: Sam Hinkie 2.0

 

With the Sixers having closed out the Heat last night, everybody is saying Philly might make another dark horse run to the championship, ala the Eagles. The man who engineered this team, Sam Hinkie, was pushed out by the league two years ago. This profile by Chris Ballard of SI.com in November of 2016 is only about 5% basketball, but it’s 100% fascinating.


All the News that Matters to Me . . .

 

 

Daily Czabe: Hello, Pittsburgh. We Dance, Again!

With the Capitals Game 6 closeout of Columbus last night, we return to a familiar foe. No, “nemesis.” No… the Penguins are… our “daddy.” For the 4th time in the last 7 playoff appearances by each of us, the Caps and Pens shall meet. Last year, it did not end well. And of the last 10 meetings, the Caps have lost 9 of them.

The other day, I told my 15 year old who was struggling with her homework, that chemistry was my “El Guapo” back in the day. She stared at me blankly. I had to explain the scene in the great movie “The Three Amigos.” If your kids don’t understand it, well… here’s your link. Enjoy.

All The News That Matters To Me!

 

 

 

Daily Czabe: James Harden Is A Real Life Renaissance Painting

What’s the saying: “Life imitates art?” How about NBA photos sometimes imitate a fresco you would see on a church ceiling somewhere in Europe. Call this one “Passion of the Beard”…. or something. I guess the reason you pay so much money for seats on the floor, is to jab your finger in the face of a superstar and act like an asshole dude-bro. Like David Stern once said: “NBA Action: It’s Fan-tastic!”

Here’s a few more things, stories, videos, and random stuff I’ll be talking about today on the radio. Enjoy the lecture notes.

All The News That Matters To Me….

 

 

The Daily Czabe: Painted Puddy, Rocks The Devils!

 

Actor Patrick Warburton has the kind of dopey-funny dead-voiced delivery that makes me chuckle if he were only reading the phone book. So to see him reprise his classic role as face-painted super-Devils-fan “David Puddy” from Seinfeld at an actual NJ Devils playoff game…. mmmmmmaaah!


ALL THE NEWS THAT IS IMPORTANT TO ME . . .

 

 


 

 

The Daily Czabe: Stuff I’ll Be Talking About Today

Once upon a time – 20 years ago – former Saints coach and beer sales legend Mike Ditka ran his mouth about how he would “trade his entire draft” for one player – Texas RB dynamo Ricky Williams.

Then he did, just that. Charlie Casserly, then my team’s GM at the time (Redskins) tells the story of how it all went down.

……

Bruno Sammartino has died. The wrestler was a legend, and some say is on the hypothetical “Mount Rushmore” of pro grapplers along with Hulk Hogan.

…….

You’ll never believe this… but instant replay ISN’T WORKING WELL IN GERMAN LEAGUE SOCCER EITHER!

…….

The NCAA has finally struck down their own version of prohibition. Good night, Eliot Ness! You are no longer needed!

…….

In Russia, a trained bear hands the official game ball to the ref in soccer, and leads the fans in cheers. What could possibly, ever, go wrong?