The Daily Czabe

Al-louett-a, Johnny Alouetta… Four Picks In A Half

“It sucks. Nevertheless, I don’t think this defines me coming up here as a CFL player. I don’t think one game, good, bad, indifferent, or anything makes your career. If I would’ve been judged after one game at Texas A&M, I wouldn’t be where I am today.”

  1. Johnny Manziel Has Disastrous CFL Debut
  2. Horrible Idea: HOF Mulls New Rules on No Shows
  3. Phil Mickelson Must Really Need That Shirt Money
  4. Tiger’s Firestone Mojo Takes The Weekend Off
  5. The Chinese Really Hate Winnie The Pooh
  6. Rapper Fights Teammate in Minor League Basketball Game
  7. NASCAR: We’re On To Your Tricky, Cheatin’ Paint Schemes
  8. The Astros Keep Releasing Statements About Roberto Osuna
  9. Newseum Buckles to Hysterical Mob, Removes Funny T-Shirt
  10. We Talkin’ ‘Bout Practice! Eagles Pack 40,000 Into Linc

Old & Busted: Tennis Lessons, Hot & Fresh: Fortnite Lessons

Hiring a “Fortnite” coach for a child is no different than enlisting an expert to help a child excel at basketball or chess, parents say. Some sit in on lessons to make sure coaches are professional and that their children, well, level up.” 

 

  1. Parents Now Paying For Kids To Get Lessons in Video Games
  2. Dan Wetzel: Two Key Elements of Urban Meyer’s Predicament
  3. Here We Go Again! Yanks Sonny Gray Has Dicey Tweets Re-Surface
  4. Source: Tiger vs. Phil For $10M Tentatively Set for Thanksgiving
  5. Bears 1st Round Pick Holding Out Over Helmet Rule Language
  6. NFL Releases (Not Really) Helpful “Fact Sheet” On Rule
  7. J.R. Smith Now Throwing Cell Phones, Not Soup
  8. Dak Prescott Stands Firm on Anthem Opinion
  9. Democrats Take Their Ball, And Go Home
  10. Gator Wideout Pulled Over With Loaded AR-15 In Back Seat

It’s An Idea So Simple, You Wonder Why It Took This Long

“There’s a lot of fans that think that sitting in the same seat over and over again is unattractive,” said A’s chief operating officer Chris Giles. “As we look to designing a new ballpark for our team, we look to doing it with this type of optionality in mind.”

  1. A’s To Offer Season Tickets With Variable Seating: Brilliant!
  2. Yes, The CzabeCast Has It’s Own Sub-Reddit! Jump on in!
  3. Funeral Homes Increasingly Playing “Dress Up” With Their Dead
  4. Richie Incognito, Maybe Your Next Senator!
  5. USGA Ready To Outlaw Numbers and Drawings on Paper
  6. Lawsuit: “Where’s the Ginger?”
  7. Send It!
  8. This Video Will Make Your Stomach Hurt
  9. Have You No Shame! Zoo Paints Donkey, Into A Zebra
  10. Flakka Drug Make You Go “Ba…Boom Boom… BAM!”

One Thing For Sure, It’ll Never Have the Simple Ring of “The Mecca”

“One might reasonably point out that if doing business in Wisconsin was so financially arduous for Fiserv that they essentially needed a bribe in order to stay there, it’s a bit surprising that they just happen to have enough spare change in their pockets to ink a 25-year naming rights deal, no? Hmmmm.”

  1. Milwaukee’s New Arena Named After Company That Got Public Handout
  2. Stadium Naming Rights Suck? Get A “Naming Wrongs” T-Shirt!
  3. Psycho Calls Cable Company To Change Local Bar’s Sports Package
  4. Astros Roll The Dice With Domestic Abuser Roberto Osuna
  5. Czabe’s “ALE Theory” By Way of Advanced Metrics
  6. Geezuz…. Don’t Do This!
  7. “Shut Up…. Jerry!”
  8. Idiots Steal Shark From Zoo By Swaddling It Like A Baby
  9. How An Ex-Cop Rigged McDonald’s Monopoly For Millions
  10. Of Course There’s A “Hot Water Challenge” Because… The Internet

 

“If I Can’t Get It Done, I’m Not Going to Take Their Money”

“Who guarantees I’m going to live 10 years?” he said. “So I don’t think about that. You start thinking about a 10-year contract – people don’t know how it’s structured and it doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters is, ‘Is Khalil Mack going to be here? Is Donald Penn going to be ready to play?’ I’ve got more important things to worry about than eight years of my contract.”

  1. Jon Gruden Doesn’t Want to Dwell on His Record Breaking Contract
  2. The NFL’s Universally Despised Pre-Season Is Back…. Ugh… Again.
  3. College Football Has Figured Out The Anthem, Why Can’t NFL?
  4. Merry Mex To Canada: Be Proud of Your Golf Championship!
  5. Lamar Odom, A Hooters, and Gunshots
  6. More Than 17,000 People Want to Drink Disgusting “Mummy Juice”
  7. Dogs Go Out of Their Way to Comfort Humans When Feeling Sad
  8. Largest Dinosaur Foot Ever Found! (No, It Doesn’t Belong to Shaq)
  9. Poor Matt Lauer Can’t Even Find Peace in New Zealand!
  10. CVS Pharmacy’s Hold Music Is Driving Customers Insane

All That Avacado “Ice Cream” For That Body?

I’ll be the first to admit my shirtless “dad-bod” looks a helluva a lot worse than his. In fact, I’d say mine is the Brett Hundley of shirtless bods, to Tom Brady’s actual shirtless bod. But then again, he’s eating avacado “ice cream” with sawdust sprinkles, while trying to drown himself in water. Me, I eat a share pack of M&M Caramels every day, thanks. So who’s really winning here?

  1. Ageless NFL Wonder Getting Body Shamed Kissing Supermodel
  2. Meet Robot Steph Curry: Defense Needs Work, However
  3. It’s Happened Again: Beach Umbrella Impales Woman in Chest
  4. Easily the Worst Call in Baseball History
  5. College Video Game Teams Already Have a Title IX Problem
  6. MLB teams’ Directors of Bunting, Shift-Defeating and Opposite Field Hitting
  7. Elon Musk Is A Total Fraud
  8. Cancel The Social Media Lynch Mob on Cubs Ball Meanie
  9. Buccaneers Are Back To Square One: “What About the QB?”
  10. Tour de France Rider Punches Opponent in Face

Players In Clubhouse Back Josh Hader, Fans Give Standing Ovation

“No one condoned the racist, homophobic and misogynist words in his tweets and most expressed disappointment in the relief pitcher. But there was no anger, no indignation, no sharp rebuke. Not a single Hader hater in the bunch.”

 

  1. Brewer Fans Willing to Give Hader Benefit of the Doubt
  2. The Oakland A’s Are Packing The House. Yes…. OAKLAND!
  3. Vikings O-Line Coach Tony Sparano Dies Suddenly at 56
  4. ESPN’s Matt Vasgersian Throws Inside on In-Park Bachelorette Parties
  5. Wesley Bryan Says Francesco Molinari Has Retirement Figured Out
  6. The Single Best Hit A Dolphin Has Made In Over 8 Years
  7. Whew! Clay Matthews’ Face Appears to Be Repaired
  8. Don’t Leave Your Cell Phone With Skanks At A Bar
  9. Starbucks Plastic Straw Ban, Will End Up…. Using MORE Plastic!
  10. Texas Lawyer Fights the Good Fight on $75 Speeding Camera Ticket

Go Ahead “Iron Man”, Lemme Hold Your Beer. You Got This!

“The suit is powered by five micro gas turbines that use four litres of fuel per minute to keep a standard-sized human afloat. Each turbine provides an estimated 22 kilograms worth of thrust, but potential pilots are warned to hover just off the ground for safety reasons.”

 

  1. Welcome To The Age of Real Life Iron Man (Ho-lee S***!!!!!)
  2. Brittany Lincicome Plays vs. Men. Does Anybody Care?
  3. FedEx Makeover: New Nachos, Fewer Seats, and a “Pavilion.”
  4. Alabama Football Hit With Suspension!** (Well, their Twitter, at least..)
  5. The Sports Media Continue to Think They Are Experts in CTE
  6. WFAN Rocked With Lawsuit, Allegations of “Frat House” Culture
  7. Reddit Guy Has Some Great Commercial Ideas for Mike Trout
  8. Domino’s Bucks Trend, Now Wants to OPEN Tons More Stores!
  9. Steven A. Smith Keeps Getting Promoted, Still Not Happy
  10. Jimmy Garappolo Takes Hardcore Porn Star on Date

MLB Commissioner to Mike Trout: Get Out More!

“If he wants to engage and be more active in that area, I think we could help him make his brand really big,” Manfred said. “But he has to make a decision that he is prepared to engage in that area, and it takes time and effort.”

 

  1. Angels Make Staunch Defense of Star In Face of Commissioner Criticism
  2. Ian Woosnam: Let’s Get Nuts! Tear Up Old Course, And Build A New One!
  3. Cubs Star Yu Darvish Mansion Fence Meets HOA Objections
  4. Baseball Helmet “C-Flap” Controversy in Youth Baseball
  5. Weinstein Lawyer: Judd Had Creepy Agreement With Pervy Boss
  6. Goliath Grouper Makes Light Snack of Shark On Fishing Line
  7. Deadliest Catch Edgar Hansen Admits Charges of Sexual Abuse of Minor
  8. “Shade Balls” Are The Latest Epic Fail of Good Intentions, And Bad Math
  9. Parents Behaving Badly: Youth Sports’ Worst, Caught on Video
  10. “Who Told You To Put the Cheese On?”

 

All Star Moment We Never Forget: Pete Rose v. Ray Fosse

“That’s something people will continue to talk about, whether they were alive at the time or watched the video and see the result,” Fosse said. “There have been some harder hits. Just the fact it was an All-Star Game, they always vote on the All-Star game highlights or lowlights and that always seems to be at the top that people talk about.”

Ray Fosse’s Shoulder STILL Hurts From That Collision

Top Moments in All-Star Game History

Aaron Rodgers Has 40 On His Mind, Hopefully With Packers

Ben McAdoo: No Ragerts About Benching Eli Manning

Swimsuit Model Breastfeeds on Runway

Michael Irvin Disapproves of T.O. Skipping HOF Ceremony

Harper Might Have Saved His Free Agency With HR Derby Show

Daily Czabe: Le’Veon Bell Long Term Deal Clock Strikes

“The NFL is a passing league. How much do backs matter given their disposable nature and the relative insignificance of the running game? (Though Bell is quality at catching the ball and in pass protection.) The Steelers shouldn’t sign Bell to a long-term contract. If they don’t, history will show the Steelers played this situation exactly right. Intentionally or not.”

DeMarco Murray Is The Steelers Warning Sign on Le’Veon Bell

EA Sports NCAA Football Lives On, Thanks To These Maniacs

Mickelson Vows to “Try To Act A Little Better” After Rules Gaffes

What’s Wrong With Bryce Harper?

‘Millenial Night’ At Minor League Ballpark, Irks… Millenials. ‘Natch…

Elon Musk Calls Thai Rescue Diver “Pedo Guy”, Shit Gets Real

Bad Driving #1: Fake Cop Pulls Over Real Cops, Gets Arrested

Bad Driving #2: Woman Plunges Off Big Sur, Survives For Week Before Rescue

Bad Driving #3: Man Launches Mini-Van, Sticks To Side of House! 

 

 

Daily Czabe: Why Wait To Get Started on Pushing For An 8-Team CFB Playoff?

Tim Brando has called college football on TV for a long time, hosted studio shows, and lives in the heart of the deep-south SEC. When Uncle Timmy talks, I listen. And in a recent radio interview Brando says that it’s a virtual “lock” that Alabama, Clemson, and Ohio State make the CFB Playoff this year. Part of the reason: “Blue Blood Priviledge” – when a team like Bama does lose, it’s drop in the polls is cushioned by the invisible hand of pollsters perception of them as college football royalty.

Alabama’s Blue Blood Privilege, And Why 3 of the 4 Playoff Teams Are Almost Already Locks

Mushnick: Transparency In Sports Means Just Being Less Dishonest

The Padres Are Having A Bad Year. Their Flagship Radio Station, Even Worse

Horrible/Ironic Ways to Die: Groom Killed After Colliding With Bride On Zip Line in Honduras

The Worst 18 Wheel Truck Driver… Ever.

Daily Czabe: Leave Ikea Out of This, You Blokes

English soccer fans have never been known for their politeness, nor subtlety. So when the “Three Lions” surged past Sweden to make the Cup semi’s for just the 3rd time in history, of course some hooligans took it out on the nearest thing “Sweden” they could find: an IKEA store. Assholes. But… expected.

English Soccer Fans Take It Out On Nearby IKEA

Elon Musk Actually Invented A Mini-Sub Rescue Device: Over The Weekend!

Eight Years Ago This Was A Really, Really.. REALLY Bad “Decision”

Legion of Boom! Brandon Browner Is Not A Nice Person. (Blame CTE!)

Horrible And Random Way To Die: Runaway Bus Into Inflatable Kiddie Pool

Want Some Cocaine On That Social Media? Ha! It’s Already Sprinkled In There!

If Somebody Catches The Loch Ness Monster, What Should We Do?

Andrew Luck Throws Pick-6: With His Wallet!

 

Daily Czabe: Boogie Cousins Signing Breaks the Internet, Maybe The NBA?

On paper, it’s a joke. The reigning 2x champs just turned their full house lineup into a royal flush. On paper, at least. That’s 5 All-Stars from LAST YEAR alone, who will (assuming Boogie’s achilles injury incurs no setbacks) comprise the Warriors starting lineup when it matters: next spring. The patent un-fairness of it seems to be the over-arching reaction of fans right now, but let’s focus for a minute on just WHY Cousins had to take a one-year show-me deal for the mid-level exception: he’s a mental patient. A supremely talented one, no doubt. But he’s a walking, talking, fight-starting, locker-room-chemistry-ruining type of player. It’s why NOBODY wanted to offer him a contract of any significance right now. That’s the real story. Is he worth the headache? We’re about to find out.

The Ringer: The Boogie Question

What Will Replace the Ginormous LeBron Banner In Cleveland?

Japanese Soccer Fans Gutted By 3-2 Loss To Belgium, Still Very Tidy

John Daly Should Stop Whining About The USGA Denying Him A Golf Cart

It’s Come To This: Chocolate Donuts Are (Possibly) Racist

 

 

Daily Czabe: Vince McMahon Is All In On New XFL2

Talk about a guy who knows “you can’t take it with you!” The 73-year-old wrasslin’ titan has been riding high with the recent TV rights fee gold rush for his product so why the hell not pour half-a-billion of your own money into a football league nobody asked for, against the most unbeatable sports product in America the NFL, and in a concept that has already failed miserably once before? Hey, it’s only money, right?

Vince McMahon’s Investment into XFL2 Is Closer to $500 Million, Not $100 Million

Fired ESPN Tennis Broadcaster’s Lawsuit Gets Greenlight to Proceed

The NFL Usually Ignores It’s Own “Domestic Violence” Policy

Seattle’s Legion Of Boom Going… Pfffft. Kam Chancellor To Retire, We Think

Asshole Neighbor: Rattle-Less Rattlesnake, Tossed Into Home

Carnival Cruise Worker Goes Overboard, Survives 22 Hours, Picked Up By Another Cruise Ship